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computzor

My computzor is the fastest on the market!
by Vatta February 24, 2009
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Computer Whiz

A computer whiz is a person who is an expert with technology, and can often blow some people's minds with their capabilities.
John is such a computer whiz that he even outsmarted me with this windows thing!
by Bigdirtyjoe May 24, 2019
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School Computer

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself
Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.
by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018
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old computer

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on
Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer
by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018
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computer dick

Similar to whiskey dick. It's when you are on a date with a girl and can't get it up because you spanked it all day while on the internet.
Friend: "How was your date with Suzy?" You: "Ah man, I had computer dick and couldn't get it up." Friend: "Are you fucking cereal? She's hot!"
by Rockabee September 10, 2014
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computard

One who lacks proficiency and competence within the field of computers to the extent at which he or she is an annoyance to others. A computard is prone to asking inane questions requiring one to break an explanation down to mere two word steps consiting of one verb and one noun (i.e. move mouse, click icon, etc).
Dude, this one computard once asked me how to extract a zip file and I was like "Dude download WinRAR" and he was like "how do I download" and I was like "WTF dude".
by Vishal Agarwala July 6, 2004
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computer tourettes

This symptom occurs when a computer is too slow or crashes unexpectedly. The user of the computer becomes extremely agitated and starts madly clicking on the mouse and swearing uncontrollably.
When MS word froze, the author realized he did not save in the past 2 hours. Fearing that he would lose his work, he started to click wildly on the keyboard. When the title bar indicated (Not Responding), he suddenly developed a case of computer tourettes. Click, click %$#!@@?*&! Click, @$$!*&&$#@!
by La Femme Dorothy July 28, 2008
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