Battenburg

A bizarre sexual practice found only in retirement homes. As nursing staff are generally unwilling to assist, participants must make imaginative use of the equipment in the disabled toilet.

TV researchers have dedicated a disproportionate amount of time to this activity, mysteriously without ever airing any of the results.

"Are you ready for a bit of Battenburg, Thora?"

"You're a filthy fucker Alan!"

"Yes I am, but that wasn't a 'no', was it..."

by Dr Filthperv October 04, 2012

Battenburg

A groovy, tasty cake. Sort of rocks. Also an expletive with a very, very narrow band of users.

'Oh holy fucking battenburg, man - my life is down the plughole'

'No, it was battenburg seepage'

by I Ate The World September 29, 2005

Battenburging

Verb-comes from the popular yellow and pink cake. Shoving battenburg cake up someone's anus. Can be for sexual pleasure or simply a solution for disposing of left over cake.
Can also be interpreted as a threat.

"Hey Donny, if you don't gimme my money by thursday imma sneak into your house and battenburg you! D'ya hear?!"
or
Guy to girlfriend "hey baby, this may be a little weird but would you be into battenburging?"

by LabiaMcRash February 13, 2012

Battenburg Bellend

If your a men and women/men like to give you oral sex and you enjoy and do it alot

My neighbour Dave must have a Battenburg Bellend as I've seen alot of different women coming from his house at night.

by Moo I'm a cow! May 22, 2012