Schwinkle
A disappointingly small penis, generally occupying the awkward middle ground between an actual cock and an unusually confident skin tag. Whilst not necessarily qualifying as a medical micropenis, a schwinkle is sufficiently diminutive that its owner will invariably attempt to compensate through excessive confidence, expensive cars or loudly insisting that “size isn’t everything” whilst simultaneously measuring the fucking thing with a tape measure.
Babs: ‘Mate, I finally got Sharon back to mine last night.’
Big Dog: ‘You lucky bastard. How’d it go?’
Babs: ‘Not great. She saw my schwinkle and asked if I was going to get the rest of it out.’
Big Dog: ‘Fucking hell. How small are we talking?’
Babs: ‘She said it was like being fingered by someone with a coat on.’
Big Dog: ‘Jesus Christ, Babs. Did you at least manage to get it in?’
Babs: ‘No. She said she couldn’t find it.’
Big Dog: ‘With her hands?’
Babs: ‘With Google Maps.’
Big Dog: ‘You lucky bastard. How’d it go?’
Babs: ‘Not great. She saw my schwinkle and asked if I was going to get the rest of it out.’
Big Dog: ‘Fucking hell. How small are we talking?’
Babs: ‘She said it was like being fingered by someone with a coat on.’
Big Dog: ‘Jesus Christ, Babs. Did you at least manage to get it in?’
Babs: ‘No. She said she couldn’t find it.’
Big Dog: ‘With her hands?’
Babs: ‘With Google Maps.’
Schwinkle by Anonymous submissions August 28, 2026
