Absolutely—here’s another snarky, office-appropriate definition for illuminaires, keeping the tone aligned with Frank:
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illuminaires (n., pl.): A dazzling assembly of yes-people orbiting a clueless leader, projecting an aura of competence while contributing absolutely nothing. Known for nodding enthusiastically at vague mission statements, applauding calendar invites, and replying “great insight, Frank” to whatever just dribbled out of his mouth. Masters of the CC, champions of buzzwords, and collectors of expensive watches despite not knowing how to tell time. Often spotted in the wild touching each others watches, aggressively networking, or pretending to take notes using Etch A Sketches. Their primary role: ensure Frank feels like a genius while the rest of the team quietly Googles how to escape a cult leader.
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illuminaires (n., pl.): A dazzling assembly of yes-people orbiting a clueless leader, projecting an aura of competence while contributing absolutely nothing. Known for nodding enthusiastically at vague mission statements, applauding calendar invites, and replying “great insight, Frank” to whatever just dribbled out of his mouth. Masters of the CC, champions of buzzwords, and collectors of expensive watches despite not knowing how to tell time. Often spotted in the wild touching each others watches, aggressively networking, or pretending to take notes using Etch A Sketches. Their primary role: ensure Frank feels like a genius while the rest of the team quietly Googles how to escape a cult leader.
Person 1 : What's with that polished pack of professionally useless yes-men that orbit Frank F like designer barnacles.
Person 2: Ah yes. Those are the Illuminaires, known for expertly draining budgets, echoing buzzwords, and mistaking proximity to power for relevance.
Person 1: But why are their watches so gaudy and expensive.
Person 2: They're overcompensating...
Person 2: Ah yes. Those are the Illuminaires, known for expertly draining budgets, echoing buzzwords, and mistaking proximity to power for relevance.
Person 1: But why are their watches so gaudy and expensive.
Person 2: They're overcompensating...
by Frankie_says_relax June 17, 2025