A conglomerate constructed entirely of cardstock, glitter, and Keepsake ornaments. Hallmark's main goal is to perpetuate Christmas year-round, so it's four quarters are labeled as follows: Almost
Christmas,
Christmas, Still
Christmas, and Valentine's Day. Among it's many schemes for holiday perpetuation are things such as: three (3) separate keepsake ornament events (the first of which occurs in July), constant, nagging reminders to customers to begin stocking up on cards for
Christmas (beginning sometime around August), and the unnecessarily long "post-holiday sale" that runs right up to the beginning of Valentine's Day.
Since
Christmas provides such a large part of Hallmark's revenue, it feels the need to begin releasing it's prized Keepsake Ornaments in early July, just as most people are finally beginning to put the horror of the previous holiday behind them. Thus, "Almost
Christmas" begins, moving smoothly into "Christmas" sometime around mid-October. "Still Christmas" begins directly after New Years and runs until February 14th and often beyond, so "Still Christmas" and "Valentine's Day" often overlap.
Valentine's Day, which is the lesser of Hallmark's insidiously overdone holidays, fills in the gap between Still Christmas and Almost Christmas nicely while still managing to fill the duel purpose of guilting men into showering the objects of their affections with glittery cards, fluffy
teddy bears, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate.
Woman One: "I'm headed to Hallmark to get some
birthday cards. Do you want to come?"
Woman Two: "Nah, I'm not in the mood for
Christmas stuff right now."
Woman One: "It's July, I think you're safe."
Woman Two: "Well... alright..."
Sales Associate: *as they walk into the store* "Welcome to Ornament Premiere! All of our new
Christmas Keepsake Ornaments have just come out for the year!"
Woman Two: *faints*
