Crypt-keeper

(Noun) - A sexually-aggressive older woman (see "cougar and MILF"), now past the point of potential attractiveness/interest from her own potential conquests; usually identified by rail-thin body, over-exposing tight clothing, a cloud of expensive perfume (presumably to mask the odor of decay), tight facial skin that favors stretched plastic wrap, unblinking reptile-like eyes, and makeup that looks like it was applied by a Hollywood special-effects artist.

This reference is also due to the creature's innate horror-film-like ability to appear attractive from the rear, yet upon turning around they will immediately startle the other person; crypt-keepers are commonly known to be able to frighten small dogs and can cause babies to burst into tears.

"Whoa... she went from 'MILF' to 'cougar' to 'crypt-keeper' in a space of only three years!"

by GraysonoftheWood February 08, 2010

Crypt Keeper

The host of Tales From The Crypt, and an icon to methheads everywhere.

I had to go to Wal-Mart, unfortunately, and I saw three burnt-out motherfuckers who look like they could be the Crypt Keeper's cousins.

by MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA September 17, 2009

crypt keeper

A state of being so unpresentable that you look like death itself. Typically characterized by no make-up, greasy hair, and feelings of extreme ugliness.

Jen: hey! wanna go shopping?

You: yeah give me an hour though. i just got out of bed and i look like a f*cking crypt keeper

by Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehe September 05, 2011

crypt keeper

the hilarious, creepy, and all around cool host of "tales from the crypt"

The crypt keeper is the shiznit.

by Adrian September 16, 2006

crypt keeper

After- dark booty call. Someone you would never be caught out with in puiblic by any of your friends because they are so ugly,nasty..etc..

"Did you see John sneaking over to Felicia's house last night?"

"Yeah I saw him, guess he don't want anyone to know he is fucking that crypt keeper!"

by Funky_Girl November 06, 2007

crypt keeper

That dirty old pervert who sits the entrance of the stage to harass dancers

If that crypt keeper touches me again I am Gunna break off his bony finger and shove it up his ass.

by Ted monster March 07, 2015

Crypt Keeper

Female so old and decrepit that she resembles the very route of all evil.

Man check out that Crypt Keeper !

Dude yeah, Dianne Feinstein is straight evil, she's straight Crypt Keeper status.

by SurferWordSmithy March 01, 2018