Con-sultant
When you start a consulting business but don't know what you are doing so you fake it for a few checks a month.
Con-sultant by Divad Nosniws November 13, 2023
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Math Con-sultant
A symbol-minded person who knows all 64 main intimate positions, including their 200+ variations, but struggles to get a date except with bots or digital dolls.
Guesstimate how many folks in academia, who consult or moonlight for publishing houses worldwide, are in fact math con-sultants, whose names on textbook covers could potentially yield a higher adoption rate among local or regional schools, especially among titles-minded teachers and parents.
Math Con-sultant by MathPlus May 1, 2023
Ass. Consultant
Abbreviation for 'Associate Consultant', some bullshit job title to give younger employees a false sense of hope that their job means something. Commonly found in rural consultancies in St. Ives. Sometimes loaned out sexually to clients to secure deals.
Client: 'The proposal is pretty good, but the quote is too high'
Hobb Knob: 'Have one of my ass. consultants for the night, not the yank though, he's spoiled goods and has an arse like a grapefruit'
Client: 'Deal, we'll sign off in the morning'
Hobb Knob: 'Have one of my ass. consultants for the night, not the yank though, he's spoiled goods and has an arse like a grapefruit'
Client: 'Deal, we'll sign off in the morning'
Ass. Consultant by RandyRhoads84 December 25, 2016
Consultant
An unemployed white male
Dave is a consultant.
Consultant by Justin1234321 January 31, 2019
Consultant
Glorified business hooker, typically hired by a consulting whorehouse, which pimps out its consultants to clients, then proceed to fuck the consultants over until they're pleased (or until the consultants are dead), pay the whorehouse big bucks, leaving the consultant with little commission (including some hotel and airline points) and lasting trauma.
Hopeful college grad: What are some key qualities I need to have be a consultant?
Experienced consultant: Be able to handle long crippling fuckings and be okay with shortened lifespan
A: You're a consultant? What are some of the most exotic places you've traveled to for work?
B: I once traveled to bumblefuck Western Virginia for a year. The only view from my hotel was of a large mine or some sort of a blackhole where no light escaped.
Experienced consultant: Be able to handle long crippling fuckings and be okay with shortened lifespan
A: You're a consultant? What are some of the most exotic places you've traveled to for work?
B: I once traveled to bumblefuck Western Virginia for a year. The only view from my hotel was of a large mine or some sort of a blackhole where no light escaped.
Consultant by TPain Not Impressed June 22, 2014
Consultants of Swing
The Donald: We're down in the polls, bring in the consultants of swing for Florida.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
Consultants of Swing by RandyRhoads84 May 21, 2020
Consultant
A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
"The consultant said that, once he has some free band-width, he will interface with his vast array of important contacts, leverage some syergies, and bring us up to speed with the rest of the industry.....No, really, those were his exact words."
Consultant by Booger Snow August 2, 2008