RandyRhoads84's definitions

Jerking From Home

The art of telling your employer that you will be working from home, when your sole intention is to stream youporn all day.

Stace: Michael, when were you last in the office?
Michael: It's been months now, I've been (JFH) jerking from home

Stace: Okay, some were worried that you had a massive stroke or something

Michael: You're not too far off the mark...

by RandyRhoads84 June 17, 2020

Modern shart

Accidental shit that was wrongly anticipated to be a fart, which when left to dry forms a sometimes interesting crusted pattern on underwear.

Sold for a lucrative profit to any number of tosser art dealers who interpret the soiled garment(s) as the work of divine genius.

Those scotch bonnets last night led to accidental sharting earlier. I nearly threw away my Calvin Kleins! Luckily I had the sense to dry them on the radiator and sell the result for six figures on ebay to this insane art dealer. who thought the image looked like the last supper. I call in modern shart!

by RandyRhoads84 December 22, 2020

Wookey hole

Another name for vagina, also a series of caves in South West England.

Nick: why did you break up with Mal?
Stella: because he stuck his cock in Haz's wookey hole
Nick: I see. I guess that's why she's called Haz - because everyone has.

by RandyRhoads84 December 22, 2020

Nonce sense

A person with an uncanny ability to spot a nonce (paedophile) on first site.

I always thought Jimmy Savile was a paedo. My nonce sense was off the chart.

by RandyRhoads84 September 14, 2021

Malibu Akbar

Malibu is the greatest, derived from Allahu Akbar, meaning God is the greatest.

Harsh: Did you see the Barbie movie?
Imad: Yes, it was the top grossing film in 2023. Malibu Akbar

by RandyRhoads84 December 25, 2023

Glistening bead

When you've wanked so much that you are sore, with very little left in the tank, but decide to wank once more in order to break your all time 24 hour record. Upon ejaculation, all that is present is a glistening bead in your japs eye - since you have no energy to propel it any further.

Johnny: what did you get up to last night?
Lawrence: I had a wankathon and broke my all time one day wank record. The last time, there was just a glistening bead on my bell end.

by RandyRhoads84 August 10, 2020

Govinda Jira Jira

A hymn like prayer/chant that project managers use when pleading with the gods that they've chosen the right amount of slack and that their plans are delivered on time and to cost.

Based on the traditional Indian hymn - Govinda (Jaya Jaya) - made famous by Kula Shaker.

Michael: just finished my project plan, going to pray it's delivered to spec. (Starts chanting Govinda Jira Jira)
Steve W: Fingers crossed, otherwise that prick Mark will give you hell . Govinda Jira Jira

by RandyRhoads84 June 9, 2021