Coldstone 

Literally the easiest, yet most annoying job on the fucking planet Earth.

Unless you're funny as shit, my enthusiasm fails to see the light of day.

To the customers who complain: let me tell you this, and please think about. YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT ICE CREAM. I'm not building you a house, selling you a car, or cooking you an expensive diner. I'm making you ice cream. You ordered it, so don't come screaming to me yelling "I'm gonna call the cops, this is robery. Your prices are too high!" Oh, I'm sorry lady, I forgot that you can't read our prices.

To the customers who lack common sense: You're not much better than the customers who compalin. For real, you have eyes for a reason. Don't ask me what sizes we have when they're right in front of you. Don't ask me what our prices are, when they're right in front of you. And most certainly don't ask me where the napkins are, when (you guessed it) they're right in front of you. Don't ask me if we serve ice cream. If you ask something as dumb as that, don't expect a very educated answer from me. Yes, the ice cream names are dumb as shit, but my five year old cousin can pronounce them better than you can.

Anyway, besides the dumbass customers, working at Coldstone is pretty baller. Take as much ice cream as you want when you work, and have deep meaningful conversations about life, with your fellow co-workers. Blast music when no one comes in, and plot your next awesome way to playfully mess with customers.

Dumbass question
Customer-"Do you guys have ice cream?"
Me-"No, we sell cars here."

Customer (walks into Coldstone)-"are you guys open?"
Me-"No, the door's open and all the lights are on for no reason."

Coldstone by OhDonPiano August 25, 2012

Coldstone Creamery 

An ice cream store where employees sing every 4 minutes, oversize your order and assume that you will be back the next day to pay them more money for their overpriced product. Kneading ice cream on an extremely cold slab of marble while adding in things such as candy bars, chocolate chips and even strawberries to your order is their specialty. Coldstone Creamery also markets smoothies, milk shakes, cakes and pint to gallon tubs of their very own ice cream that you can take home in order to place yourself into a comatose state.

"We'll see you back tomorrow teehee!"

Coldstone Creamery by Carl H. August 18, 2005

coldstone creamery 

probably that best option when going out for ice cream. you get exactly what you want down to what type of bowl you want it in. You usually get great service and happy people to serve you, but what happens in the back?

we literally just sit when there is absolutely nothing to do

we have very deep and meaningful conversations

have gummy bear and m&m fights when your boss/manager isnt working

make fun of the ridiculous customers we just helped, you think you did nothing wrong? haha guess again you idiot!

feel free to give us a tip but dont expect a song, we arent trained monkeys that bow to yuor every whim.

dont complain because you really cant, you ordered the damn thing. unless you know theres a hair in it...

dont complain about prices because once again, you ordered it.

i know we have funny names for our ice cream creations but come on guys, some of them are just your inability to read.

if we ask you a question like what size, dont say 2 scoops because you look like a dumbass, our sizes are right in front of your face.

we really just want you order your damn ice cream and leave so hurry up deciding. like seriously you dont even know what your in the mood for?

the latest you should come in to get ice cream is about a half hour before we close. unless you want to get dirty looks the whole time and an overpriced order! just kidding i only did that once

other than those few things, enjoy your ice cream

customer "can i have a love it cookie monster"

Employee" haha yeah of course you can have a cookie minster"

"why does your icecream look melty"
uhm its ice cream in the summer?

oh i just love going to coldstone creamery!

coldstone creamery by coldstone worker? July 1, 2009

Coldstone Creamery 

One of thee most easiest jobs ever created, yet somehow people get fired like crazy. We sing, we make ice cream, and we sit around and do nothing.
Come here, and say something stupid, we'll make fun of you for a week.
We hate having customers, yet they like coming here.
They ask us stupid questions. We give them stupid answers.
We don't care your ice cream is melting, so please don't tell us.
We could really careless if you like what you're eating, we just want to go home.
We don't sell half of the things you ask us for, and most of us are sick of hearing you idiots ask us about it.
Our boss is a jew bastard, who's not even jewish.
But is one of the most jewish people we've ever met.
Our manager is a child molster and pedo.
Tell him your cold, he'll turn the air lower.
Our assistant manager is also a pedo and around the clock pot head.
Everyone else who works here might as well have an IQ of 5.
Except for a select few.
Overall we hate our job, but we do it anyway cause we need the money.
And if you come in, we'll give you a fake smile here and there, but don't expect it all the time.
Welcome to Coldstone, you douche bag.

Customer: "WHY IS MY ICE CREAM MELTING?!"
Us: "Because it's ice cream."

Customer: "Do you sell coffee?"
Us: "What do you think?"

Customer: "Why are you called Coldstone Creamery?"
Us: "I don't know, I've been trying to figure out that since I've got a job here."

Coldstone Creamery by chillaxerbate October 15, 2006

Coldstone Creamer 

Sex outside but pulling out just in time to write your name in the snow.

Jersey Phil's favorite season is winter because he loves to do the Coldstone Creamer.

Coldstone Creamer by Jersey Phil April 20, 2014

Coldstone Depression 

The immense amount of regret and shame felt after eating icecream from Coldstone Creamery.

David: "Mer, I feel so horrible after eating that chocolate dipped waffle bowl full of ice cream..."
Meredith: "Yeah babe, that's called Coldstone Depression...I feel it too."

Coldstone Depression by hi.immeredith August 6, 2011

getting coldstone 

(v) A totally random saying as an excuse to get out of the house so you can go somewhere in secret and have sex... sometime actually stopping after to get ice-cream to avoid suspicion.

Bye, mom. Jimmy and I are getting ColdStone!
But Sarah, it's freezing outside!
That's OK, Jimmy says it's warm inside.

getting coldstone by Captain_G-Force February 27, 2018