DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are asymptomatic COVID carrier.
ME: Whaat, bruh? Naw, I feel good! I ain’t infected! What am I infected with?
DOCTOR: COVID, the test was for COVID. You are infected. With the COVID virus.
ME: That’s some
bullshit! That ain’t me! I’m good, baby! 100% Beastmode!!
DOCTOR: Sorry sir, but the tests are accurate. You are an asymptomatic COVID carrier and you are at risk of infecting others.
ME: you ain't hearing me?
Beast-fuckin’-Mode!
DOCTOR: You’ll need to quarantine yourself and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the spread of COVID.
ME: Quara-what? Mask whaaa? Masks kill
people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! You want me to
die? Thought you was a doctor?!
DOCTOR: MmmKay. Sir. If I
may...?
1) stop being a little bitch.
2) think about others you might infect.
3) wear your fucking mask, you bitchass
fucktard.
4) Where my copay at, son???
ME: It’s just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing
illuminati)…fucking masks…
DOCTOR:
Oh, and the mask covers you mouth AND YOUR NOSE. Because the COVID virus is up in your nose. So cover your fucking nose, Captain Beastmode. Stethoscope droppppp!!