Taintenance 

noun \ tānt-nən(t)s, tān-tə-nən(t)s\

The act of grooming ones pubic area. This involves hair reduction or removal, cleaning and maintaining the genitals, taint and anal region.

“I might get lucky on my big date tonight. Perhaps I should do some taintenance.”

Taintenance by Gameguy123 June 22, 2011

taintenance 

The act of maintaining a healthy taint. This includes, waxing/shaving, moisturizing, and wearing appropriate undergarments.

Grumpy Grundle can be prevented with regular taintenance.

taintenance by toad-10 February 28, 2011

crowbar maintenance 

An event which is not actually maintenance, but a form of destruction or demolition.

"The building was undergoing 'crowbar maintenance'. It was rubble by the next day."

crowbar maintenance by tdog59 July 15, 2009

Maintenance Wank

When you're participating in nofap and you begin to over sexualise things, like apple pies and peanut butter sandwhiches, it's time for a maintenance wank. This keeps your inner sexual deviant at bay, while also reducing the amount of awkward boners you might experience.

Guy 1: "I keep getting stiffies when I see anything that vaguely resembles titties or a vagina, it's killing me."
Guy 2: "Mate, it's time for a maintenance wank. If you don't let off some pressure, your dick is going to take over."

Maintenance Wank by Zima69err July 13, 2016

Maintenance Cocktail 

Spirits generally mixed with some sort of fruit juice and normally consumed in the late morning and/or early afternoon to help alleviate a particularly nasty hangover. Standard versions include Vodka/Cranberry, Screwdrivers, left over Hard Seltzers, and of course the Danimal. Also known as a Breakfast Cocktail when in Maui, a Maintenance Cocktail is essential for anyone who needs to rally and is eager to start working on the next day’s hangover.

Dave: Woof, I think we went a little overboard on the Peach Daiquiris last night..

Yoko: That’s why I stuck with white wine all night like a boss.

Dave: Good for you. I need to screw my head back on with a Maintenance Cocktail. Pass me the Gin and Tang.

Maintenance Cocktail by Falcon Thunder Fist March 24, 2022

Lifestyle Maintenance Strategist

Refers to people who are in well-paid, cosy, cushy jobs - who don't actually do any real work but are exceptionally talented at justifying their own worthless jobs, wasting money and making sure that whatever happens their own job stays justified and safe so that they can maintain their own cushy lifestyles. Good at feathering their own nests and shitting in other people's.

Lifestyle maintenance strategists are usually 'precious' but deluded people who highly rate their own value or worth. They'd be laughed off a building or construction site.

Most often represented by non technical managers and executives found in British public sector departments where jobs are not 'proper jobs'; for example Public Health manager or consultant.

Work actvities include Google time; blue sky thinking; journal club; wasting large amounts of tax payers money, running sexual health campaigns that cost £50,000 with an outcome of 19 Chlamydia tests; meetings with lots of nice tea and biscuits about work programmes that last 18 months at which a poster is finally triumphantly produced which could have taken a college student their lunch hour to come up with; the finance available to buy lifestyle designer gadgets and possesions so that they can feel smug and superior - for example owning an electric car or designer boiler; making sure that meetings finish by 4pm so the they can get away to the gym, running club, or fictious Tarquin Tombola's dinner party to which only other lifestyle maintenance strategists are invited. Colluding together (often at Tarquin Tombola's dinner parties or covens) to get rid of employees who are good at their jobs and who might expose them for the lying, worthless sociopaths that they are.

Lifestyle Maintenance Strategist by Sauron's contact lens June 22, 2012

Shaft Maintenance 

When you got to clear the weeds, release some finely aged fluids, wax and lube up the shaft.

Person A: Hey bro you free tomorrow?
Person B: Naw bro I got shaft maintenance!

Shaft Maintenance by Bosancheros September 14, 2016