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swagmatism 

Swagmatism is when humans or other animals with swag magnetize towards each other.
Shingleback skinks are lizards with lots of swag. Due to swagmatism, they are attracted towards one another.

neo stigmatic-post truamatic-stress induced-pedrocitis

neo stigmatic-post truamatic-stress induced-pedrocitis

like the common cold, except much less snezzy, slighty more sleazy, but results in death. every time

for the simple man to understand

new bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, caused after stressful experiences that the person experiences as highly traumatic
Pedro: I have neo stigmatic-post truamatic-stress induced-pedrocitis
Doctor: No Shit

astigmatism 

An eye condition that usually requires glasses in order to cope with. Usually causes bad eyesight up to and including legal blindness.
My astigmatism is a difficult affliction.
astigmatism by Christian Cruz November 23, 2006

[Shitmatism]

Shitmatism - The force or power that controls one's good-shit and bad-shit life experiences... Usually controlled by the tongue and associated more so with bad-shit experiences. Related to Shit-Magnet
My day has been continually going from bad to worse...! I feel like a Shit-Magnet...! My Shitmatism must be out of wack...?

swagmatism 

the force of attraction women feel towards nearby men who have their swag on
did you feel the swagmatism on that one

[Shitmatism]

Shitmatism - Ability to cause a trance like state when talking absolute bullshit to someone...!
"You should have heard that guy over there...! He was so convincing with his verbal bullshit, the woman he is talking to is in a complete state of Shitmatism...!