An exclamation of extreme shock and disbelief, whether at an event or a sight being witnessed.
Can also be used when you discover someone has been fucking you over.
Person 1: Holy shit! What the hell is that person doing?
Person 2: Well, fuck me figuratively up the ass, they're raping a dog.
Person 1: You have a date with Sally? You know, she has a boyfriend.
Person 2: Fuck me figuratively up the ass! Three months and she never said anything!
"Figuratively speaking" is a phrase used to clarify that the speaker is not speaking literally but rather using figurative language to make a point or convey a concept.
When someone says "figuratively speaking," they are typically emphasizing that the statement should not be taken literally but rather as a figure of speech or an exaggeration for effect.