it jesus

information technologist who performs a technical mircle on a computer and/or laptop that been given it's last rights.
I took my laptop to BestBuy and they told me that it would be $2000 to send my hard drive away and maybe get some information from it. So I prayed and my IT Jesus and he saved my life and my laptop.
by Doolbox March 13, 2008
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Jesus

A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.

Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”
Dude: “Hey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”
by Shard March 01, 2005
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Jesus

Jesus is a common male name for Hispanics. Jesus is the guy that will take your girl.
Aye Jesus isn't that Michaels girl??
by Bigdikboy March 13, 2017
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Jesus

The immortal zombie carpenter who, if you ask him nicely through his telepathic powers, will grant your wishes. He is one third of an almighty being who was sent to earth to be killed mercilessly so that said almighty being could forgive us for something he made us do, something which, being almighty, shouldn't have been quite so troublesome in the first place. In addition to asking politely, some believe it is necessary to indulge in cannibalism, eating Jesus' flesh, to be forgiven and go to heaven. Physically, Jesus may have looked similar to Jim Morrison, although many would contend he was in fact black.
Friend: I'm going to go eat some of Jesus and ask him and his father not to send me to eternal damnation for something my great great great etc. grandparents did.

Me: Have fun at Mass!
by LordofAllPrepositionalPhrases November 26, 2008
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Jesus

Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
Jesus:be nice to others.
by Jonjo January 16, 2005
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Jesus

One of the latest in a long line of deities based on the movements of the sun during the winter solstice.
Jesus is a made up guy!
by thetruthone September 02, 2008
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Jesus

Hey someone jizzed in my slider! I want to talk to Jesus!
by Samisita January 17, 2009
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