Financial Advisor 

A person who learns about money only to find that people make random emotional decisions. The sacrificial lamb of the urban jungle. When financial markets are up, even the most ignorant advisor looks like a hero. When markets are down, the most professional and savvy advisor will be trash talked, fired and sued.

Hey, how come you're driving that piece of crap car?

I was a financial advisor in 2008.

Hey, who's that guy in the Mercedes?

That was a financial adviser who retired in 2007.

Financial Advisor by Bluetired February 19, 2010

financial advisor 

A person, usually male, who lives in a really nice home, drives a really nice car, usually has a wife who doesn't work. All his possessions are due to the money he makes off of his clients when he buys and sells funds using their money. The advise he gives is to benefit himself and not you. Do yourself a favor and keep your money in the bank.

I used to have a small fortune in my port folio, then I took the advise of a financial advisor. Now he has half my money, and I don't have a pot to piss in.

financial advisor by Just say no October 22, 2008

financial advisor 

insurance salesman

financial advisor by dee bee October 8, 2003

I am not a financial advisor 

A term used by degenerates who want the credibility and reputation of an actual financial advisor but don't want the accountability and liability that comes along with it. Mainly used by room temperature IQ individuals on TikTok, Youtube, Twitter, etc under the age 21 who probably don't even have a degree, CFA, or any knowledge about basic economics yet feel the need to give financial advice.

You can find them on social media using terms like #ToTheMoon #Stonks #DiamondHands and bandwagoning the latest hype stock or meme crypto and then never to be seen again until another hype stock is talked about by the masses as they don't know anything else about the financial world other than riding the current trend.

They are somewhat related to furus (fake gurus) who want to sell you $1000 courses on stock market education you could probably find on the internet with a few minutes of research. These wannabe financial advisors love to talk about meme stocks and cryptos as well as telling people to #BuyTheDip or #HODL #DoNotSell while still putting in their disclaimer "All posts are opinions and I do not give buy, hold, or sell recommendations."

The problem with these fake advisors is that they think saying they aren't financial advisors creates a loophole where they can't be held liable for their advice. This is literally the same concept as using copyrighted material and saying "No copyright infringement intended" which completely contradicts their statement.

Actual financial advisor: I use highly complex algorithms and statistical modeling to determine accurate probabilities on my investments and can show you that investing in the S&P500 index has proven to give around a 10% return for the past 10 years

Wannabe financial advisor: stonks go brrr, doge to the moon, buy the dip guys, apes strong together *loses life savings after yoloing it on 0 day expiration options*

Actual financial advisor: This person definitely has "I am not a financial advisor" in their bio

I am not a financial advisor by Mediocre Quant June 17, 2021

American Express Financial Advisor

A group of people who are in the middle of a class action lawsuit, because they conned a bunch of clients into investing in funds that would mostly benefit the advisor.

If you get a phone call from an American Express Financial Advisor, my advise to you is to run. These advisors live in nice homes off of "your" money

American Express Financial Advisor by Conned October 15, 2008

Reverse financial advisor 

A financial advisor who charges outlandish rates for his/her day to day services.

Don't hire that guy, man, he's a reverse financial advisor.

That reverse financial advisor cost me an arm, a leg, my firstborn, and my soul!

Reverse financial advisor by Wulfblood January 11, 2011