When you meet someone who is normal but goes from 0 to 100 on the douchebaggery scale when hanging out with another douche. Their douchiness is added on to an existing douche structure creating a whole new level of douchiness.
"Ted was fine until that douche yacht Tim came along, now Ted is just a douche dormer."
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.