Blarping occurs when someone discloses a lot of personal information without consideration to the interest or comfort of the person listening. Typically it is emotionally uncomfortable or even traumatic content which can overwhelm the person they are blarping at.
It is a way of unconsciously infecting another person with the overwhelming feelings and horror we pretend to ourselves doesn't exist.
Wow, this person has been blarping at me for 5 minutes. I can no longer politely sit by while my soul is crushed under the weight of their crazy. I'd suggest therapy, but the therapist may kill themselves if they had to listen to this for a whole hour.
A Blarkin is a verb where a person is blue-balled, or where a person thinks they are going to get laid but it ends up failing, and in their outrage and pure drunkenness, the person punches a hole in the wall.
Sam: "What happened here?" (as he points to a hole in the wall Derek: "Bob got pissed last night and pulled a BLarkin when Sandra turned him down"
Sam: "Shiiiiiii"
So last night my girlfriend was in the bath and she needed to shit so she asked me to give her a Blurpkin which is basically an underwater Blumpkin, the result being the best of both worlds, under and over I say!!!