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You need Jesus! 

For when someone is deciding to be a dumb person.
Charlotte: haiuhlssisghj
Shirley: wth?
Charlotte: suygkhjdipdugvciuyhifgvcgiufgh
Shirley: Charlotte, I-
Charlotte: SIYXLKUHIUHKGUODHGJVIUHDB DHODHJVHUODHJVHDUHVDHU
Shirley and Alpen: YOU NEED JESUS!
Charlotte: wha?
Shirley: *SLAPS THE FUCKING BIBLE AGAINST CHARLOTTE'S FACE*

You Need Jesus 

Phrase used to convey the idea that a person's words or actions are of questionable morality or virtue.
Dude: Man, I should SO kill that hooker right now.
Dude2: You need Jesus.
You Need Jesus by Whistledink April 7, 2010

You need Jesus 

If you are on on urban dictionary you need Jesus
You need Jesus by Mhmyensn May 17, 2022

You Need Jesus 

When someone in your squad is cutting the fool, or says something perverted as fuck that makes you laugh.
"Lord, that punannie was so tight, I thought she was underage!"

"You know you need Jesus, right?"

you need jesus 

you need jesus is the name of a local rug installer
tired of that hard wood flooring raising the cost of insulation you need jesus can help 666 777 0909
you need jesus by sanxity July 2, 2019

You need to talk to Jesus 

You full of shit; you can tell that dung pudding story to someone else!
You need to talk to Jesus! He might forgive you, but I don't!
More from Urban Dictionary

square grouper

Nickname given to bales of marijuana thrown overboard or out of airplanes. Origin is reportedly from members of the US Coast Guard in the area of Southern Florida.
"Base we've got some square groupers floating outside of Miami harbor."
square grouper by slipsheet November 6, 2004
Word of the Day on October 7, 2026
A girl who does ballet and only talks about ballet. Her schedule is filled with dance classes which does not allow her to do any other activity.
"Hey, do you know that girl Sally?"

"Yeah, she's kind of annoying. All she ever talks about it ballet."

"Wow, what a Bunhead."

"Hey Sally, you want to hang out this weekend?"
"I can't, I have dance."
"You're such a Bunhead."

"Yeah... I know."
Bunhead by Jen00 October 24, 2014
Word of the Day on October 6, 2026

trucker's tan 

A sunburn or suntan focused on the left arm. It is caused by the left side of the body being the only half that gets exposed to sunlight while driving. Presumably, it would be located on the right side of the body in countries where they drive on the left side of the road.
I had a trucker's tan after driving for 10 straight hours on a sunny day.
Word of the Day on October 5, 2026
The phenomenon where adults salivate at children's toys
Every time I walk into the toy aisle, I catch myself kidulting over the latest action figures and LEGO sets!
kidulting by Emotional Cruiser October 12, 2025
Word of the Day on October 4, 2026
British slang for a scientist or technical expert, esp . when the speaker is not certain of the expert’s specific field of study. Not necessarily derogatory, but typically used by persons without a technical background. In the US, the equivalent would be “egghead”, “squint”, or “geek.”

Origin of the word is unknown. Started sometime in World War 2. Given the typical evolution of British slang, could easily have started because what these experts did was confusing or “baffling” to the common person.
According to the boffins downstairs, the murderer used a serrated blade.
Boffin by Agnon February 11, 2023
Word of the Day on October 3, 2026
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