You need Jesus! 

Its the act of telling someone they need a whole lotta help; referring to people who are way past the point of return

Bethany: I have a foot fetish
Mike: You need Jesus!
Bethany: OMG I know

You need Jesus! by realniQQa143 May 27, 2016

You need Jesus! 

For when someone is deciding to be a dumb person.

Charlotte: haiuhlssisghj
Shirley: wth?
Charlotte: suygkhjdipdugvciuyhifgvcgiufgh
Shirley: Charlotte, I-
Charlotte: SIYXLKUHIUHKGUODHGJVIUHDB DHODHJVHUODHJVHDUHVDHU
Shirley and Alpen: YOU NEED JESUS!
Charlotte: wha?
Shirley: *SLAPS THE FUCKING BIBLE AGAINST CHARLOTTE'S FACE*

You need Jesus! by *cough* hello July 3, 2019

You Need Jesus 

Phrase used to convey the idea that a person's words or actions are of questionable morality or virtue.

Dude: Man, I should SO kill that hooker right now.
Dude2: You need Jesus.

You Need Jesus by Whistledink April 7, 2010

You need Jesus 

People on this website..

If you are on on urban dictionary you need Jesus

You need Jesus by Mhmyensn May 17, 2022

You Need Jesus 

When someone in your squad is cutting the fool, or says something perverted as fuck that makes you laugh.

"Lord, that punannie was so tight, I thought she was underage!"

"You know you need Jesus, right?"

You Need Jesus by theradicalthinker August 26, 2016

you need jesus 

you need jesus is the name of a local rug installer

tired of that hard wood flooring raising the cost of insulation you need jesus can help 666 777 0909

you need jesus by sanxity July 2, 2019

You need to talk to Jesus 

You full of shit; you can tell that dung pudding story to someone else!

You need to talk to Jesus! He might forgive you, but I don't!

You need to talk to Jesus by talk2me-JCH2 October 9, 2023