most accurately defined as any excessive public display of uncontrolled excitement, expressed by
wild shaking of head and limbs, inappropriate gyrations of the hips and irregular severe pelvic thrusting motions when in the presence of, talking about or
even simply considering the thought of turtles.
Most
people in the throes of a turtlegasm are also very likely to drool uncontrollably with eyes
rolled back into the head while making loud gutteral gagging noises with mouth agape all the while utterly oblivious to their immediate surroundings except for any turtles that
may be in close proximity. Victims of turtlegasm
may also attempt to pull out their own hair, grope themselves and/or others, and inexplicably punch their genetalia.
Turtles that happen to be present while a turtlegasm is taking place have been known to be licked wildly about the head and
shell and, depending on size, placed inside the front of
one's pants. Newly hatched turtles are at risk of considerable harm in cases such as these although there is no malice intended.
A truly authentic turtlegasm is rare and difficult to document, although the first public turtlegasm is thought to have taken place somewhere along the southern
Texas coast during a mass hatching of a
clutch of critically endangered Kemp's Ridley sea turtles.
