Staten Island Wanna-be Guido 

Beware this special brand of Staten Island boy - he is unique in his lack of uniqueness. He wasn't "cool" enough to be accepted by the other Staten Island boys due to the fact that he's probably fat and has acne that like, stares you in the face when you encounter him. He overcompensates for everything he lacks in self confidence by guising himself in "panache" and nobility. Oft he feels he has no purpose so he goes for a civil service job, such as firefighter, EMT, or cop. It's his only means of attaining power, and he has the option to make it look like he actually cares about people when the truth is he only cares about his fat pimply self

He has sex with anything and everyone (see slut, roast beef curtains, and staten island girl)because he has a complex about not being able to be alone, ever, and being a horny bastard who craves gratification.

He has the Staten Island Accent that makes you want to scream and run in circles with an ultimate goal of sticking your head under the ground, or scream running towards his acne mounds with a pickaxe.

Elizabeth: Wow, look at that Staten Island Wanna-be Guido! He makes me sick; he's going to die alone with some sort of STD.

Maria: Oh fuck yeah. He's getting the clap, I just know it.

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Kathy: That's my partner at work. Truth is I can't stand him.

Kim: Why?

Kathy: He's such a Staten Island Wanna-be Guido; he's ugly but he's got a superiority complex up his ass.

Kim: Ooh! Shh, his girlfriend is coming. Whoa, is that a face?

Kathy: Oh, you mean his fuck buddy? Yeah, well, that unfortunate thing right around where her nose should be is called a face. He doesn't care, he'll stick his dick in anything he can persuade.

Staten Island Wanna-be Guido by Joanna Bannana March 19, 2008