A mentally impaired, transcendentally abrasive and pusillanimous white
male of college age. Frequently intoxicated, boisterous and devoid of all social graces, a shitwink commonly (though not invariably)
sports birdshit hair: that is, a heavily gelled, purposefully mussed coiffure, à la mode moderne. His physiognomy is distinctive: dull, vacant
eyes coupled with a perpetual, rodentine snarl. In general bearing, his countenance has been likened to that of an "oily child molester" or a "closeted, men'
s room-haunting frot." His repertoire of vocalizations is limited; moreover, he is seldom heard unless in the presence of other shitwinks, in whose company he freely uses such standard calls as "beer me," "wooo yeah," and "
aight." Nocturnal rounds of bestial yelping are also reported--apparently intended as a territorial "warning" to
non-shitwinks. Beyond issuing social and territorial vocalizations, the shitwink's time is chiefly invested in the following three activities:
1.) imbibing
alcohol; 2.) harassing his peaceable neighbors (an activity pursued only from within the
safety of a shitpack and often under cover of
darkness); and 3.) lording it over his shitbitch. When alone and exposed to daylight they are timid, quavering creatures. Commonly abbreviated "wink." Cf. "Shitneck"
"
Hey, Bill, ain't that a shitwink?"
"Yeah, Melchizedek, that fellow is a shitwink."
"Please hand me that blade, Bill."
"Why, Mechizedek?"
"I'm gonna
shank that facking 'wink!"
"Oh! Oh! May I please narc him with this rusty, jagged shiv--by way of a coup de
grace?"
"Yes, you may, Bill."
