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retortoise 

Someone who thinks of a witty response too late for it to be funny. A combination of the word retort and tortoise.
That would have been funny five minutes ago, too bad you're a retortoise.
retortoise by JuanNephrota August 14, 2012
Related Words
- verb

1) To reply to, usually in a sharp or retaliatory way; reply in kind to.

2) To return (an accusation, epithet, etc.) upon the person uttering it.

3) To answer (an argument or the like) by another to the contrary.

- noun

4) A severe, incisive, or witty reply, esp. one that counters a first speaker's statement, argument, etc.

5) A glass device used for distillation or dry distillation in chemistry.

6) A furnace used for cremating dead bodies.

7) An industrial pressure cooker.
Andre- Yo, man. I think that bitch I was hittin' last night put the burn on me, man.

Archibald- Perhaps you should refrain, forhtwith, from engaging in intimate relations with your mother. (retort)

Andre- Fuck you, man. (also retort)

blub blub blub (also also retort)

fwooooooosh! (also also also retort)
Retort by Speak and Spell February 28, 2009

Retorted 

Someone who is absolutely awful at comebacks, reputations, and retorts. Often times their replies are met with awkward stares and silence.
Bob: you have no chill

Bill: Yeah, well... YOUR MOM!

Bob: Are you retorted?
Retorted by xJoshAndStuffx October 19, 2014

Retortise 

When you are so slow that it defies retarted
Oh that Johnny is so Retortise

drudge retort 

A political website run by a failed web publisher, populated almost exclusively by homebound seniors and pathetic trolls. The regulars argue about the same 5 topics on a daily basis, fleck spittle onto their computer screens, and generally waste their worthless lives.
I haven't argued about abortion in a while, think I'll visit the Drudge Retort.
drudge retort by corkysfather October 4, 2013

Retort Tardiness 

A common syndrome wherein the speaker often remembers something clever to say about 10 minutes after the conversation has ended
"The boy said 'you git' to the bully, but due to his retort tardiness, later reflected it would have been more accurate to have said 'you misproportioned cankerous cretacean'"