City located on the outer
crust of Pennsylvania blanketed sporadically yet densely with layers of various families of
air, land and
water oriented contaminants generally referred to as filth. This filth is known to often perform acts of transmogrification. It has been most commonly observed that land oriented contaminants become expeditiously airborne posing an increased threat to the physical health of those brave enough to traverse open-
air spaces without the protection provided by a Hazmat suit. Runoff from the great New
Jersey landfill and seepage from an adjacently running sewage pipeline have irrevocably stained the waters of the two rivers that envelope the majority of the city, the
Delaware and the Schuylkill. Some suspect prolonged exposure to the filth to cause a form of dementia, the effects of which may be observed through the
studying of long-term inhabitants. Concerns over the matter are currently considered frivolous as an insufficient amount of evidence has thus far been procured, but the threat posed by the presence of the filth may
soon become apparent as a result of its exponential growth estimated to reach zenith within a few decades. For those interested in visiting Philthadelphia it is recommended that one has in their possession at all times a form of eye protection to protect ones eyes from airborne debris and a cloth to cover ones
mouth to protect from inhalation of the filth into the lungs,
failure to heed warnings may result in blindness or emphysema.
"My poor little Suzie went to the park to play just the other day, without the proper protection and you know what? Now she has smokers' cough and a severe case of paranoid schizophrenia, not only that but she got addicted to heavy
drugs and now she wanders the streets and refuses to acknowledge me as her own
mother. Kids these days, huh? Yeah, well when you come to visit
us this weekend in Philthadelphia don'
t forget your Hazmat suits!"