The way too long and somewhat boring winter holiday that really isn't anything other than a weak attempt to apply the least amount of tincture to our children's wounds for not being allowed a Santa Claus at that fercocktenah time of year, comprising the period of the most intense fear mongering and when really close minded and insecure xenophobics worry a kid might for just one day, December 25, rather just be another
American kid and get a Master Replica light saber and some
weird red and white striped
candy from a fat old white
guy dressed in red who jets around the world in a reindeer driven sielgh. Oy vey!
"Ok, so what's that about the lump of coal I got for Hanukkah last year?" or "Isn't it enough you
cut part of my special friend off?" or "So instead of Toys and elves and magic, all I get to celebrate Hanukkah by having to eat greesy latkes and light candles every single night (8) nights in a row?" or And all this just so my
parents can quietly think; "Hey, Busta, aren't we doing a good job making
Seth feel better about
Santa not visiting with those really pretty Hanukkah
cookies and greesy latkes and that really cool story about the Greeks and how Jews found oil to light their candles for a week and a day?" or "I am going to marry that cute gentile Mom and
Dad so I can have an excuse to celebrate the other really cool celebration. Hey, admit it, for us kids anyway, Hanukkah can't light a candle to Santa's Toy Time."