Augee
Augee (noun) โ A military Augmentee so catastrophically brain-dead that their enlistment alone is proof the recruitment office has no screening process. Augees donโt fill manpower gapsโthey create disaster zones where logic, reason, and basic survival instincts go to die. They are the reason safety briefs exist, the reason leadership drinks like their liver owes them money, and the reason some warfighters fantasize about โaccidental friendly fire.โ If an Augee is assigned to your unit, congratsโyouโre now fighting a war on two fronts: one against the enemy and one against natural selection.
Sgt. Miller: โWhy is the chaplain here?โ
Sgt. Davis: โAugee was cleaning his rifle, looked down the barrel, and pulled the trigger โto check if it was clear.โโ
Sgt. Miller: โPlease tell me he didnโt make it.โ
Sgt. Davis: โNah, heโs fine. The dumbass missed.โ
Sgt. Miller: โOf course he did.โ
Sgt. Davis: โAugee was cleaning his rifle, looked down the barrel, and pulled the trigger โto check if it was clear.โโ
Sgt. Miller: โPlease tell me he didnโt make it.โ
Sgt. Davis: โNah, heโs fine. The dumbass missed.โ
Sgt. Miller: โOf course he did.โ
Augee by MinotDUIDrifter January 31, 2025
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