Augee
Augee (noun) – A military Augmentee so catastrophically brain-dead that their enlistment alone is proof the recruitment office has no screening process. Augees don’t fill manpower gaps—they create disaster zones where logic, reason, and basic survival instincts go to die. They are the reason safety briefs exist, the reason leadership drinks like their liver owes them money, and the reason some warfighters fantasize about “accidental friendly fire.” If an Augee is assigned to your unit, congrats—you’re now fighting a war on two fronts: one against the enemy and one against natural selection.
Sgt. Miller: “Why is the chaplain here?”
Sgt. Davis: “Augee was cleaning his rifle, looked down the barrel, and pulled the trigger ‘to check if it was clear.’”
Sgt. Miller: “Please tell me he didn’t make it.”
Sgt. Davis: “Nah, he’s fine. The dumbass missed.”
Sgt. Miller: “Of course he did.”
Sgt. Davis: “Augee was cleaning his rifle, looked down the barrel, and pulled the trigger ‘to check if it was clear.’”
Sgt. Miller: “Please tell me he didn’t make it.”
Sgt. Davis: “Nah, he’s fine. The dumbass missed.”
Sgt. Miller: “Of course he did.”
Augee by MinotDUIDrifter January 31, 2025
