tofuck 

An insulting word for tofu.

This tofuck is shit!

tofuck by Anonymous August 10, 2003

Tofuck 

Oral sex with a vegetarian or vegan

“I tofucked my girlfriend yesterday”

Tofuck by Scoutwit November 21, 2022

Not here to Fuck Spiders 

Australian slang. The term is derived from and is another way in saying, “not here to fuck around. I am here to get the job done”.” Stop wasting time we have things to do”.

It also can be used as declaration that a person has arrived at place of work or sporting team etc…with set of goals and is determined to meet them.

Can be used as reply to obvious question.

Also can be used around women and children as “not here to fornicate with arachnids’"

1. "Mate look at this"...Barry
" Barry, we are not here to Fuck Spiders, get back to it."...boss

2. "Do you think we can win the championship?"...Player
"Well I am not here to Fuck Spiders"...Coach

3. "Digging a hole mate"
“Well I am not here Fuck Spiders"

Not here to Fuck Spiders by Parker26 August 20, 2010

tomfuckery 

Similar to tomfoolery, except to a greater extent, and often involving mindfucking and very indecent behaviour.

An extremely well endowed leprechaun who hangs out in a men's bathroom, convincing men that he would grant them wishes if they allow him to fuck them in the ass, then asking how old they are, and then stating, "So you still believe in leprechauns..." is a blatant display of tomfuckery.

tomfuckery by AWads September 7, 2007

monkey trying to fuck a football 

monkey trying to fuck a football attempting to perform a difficult or almost impossible task

a lineman was attempting to change a street light bulb it was like watching a monkey trying to fuck a football

monkey trying to fuck a football by bluebear January 9, 2021

i'm not here to fuck spiders 

(Australian) "I'm already doing that" or "Obviously, yeah"

At the bar with a friend
Mate: do you want to get a beer?
Me: well, I'm not here to fuck spiders!

i'm not here to fuck spiders by rahx April 9, 2015

Not here to fuck spiders 

Intentionally offbeat, blunt, and sarcastic Australian humor to exclaim that you mean business and you're not here to waste time.

It's also rhyming slang with "not here to kick the tires" of a car for sale, which has a similar meaning.

1. "So, are we going to the pub or what?"...Jono
"We're not here to fuck spiders mate, let's fuck this puppy."...Sambo

2. "Your first month on the job has been fantastic. Sales have gone through the roof"...Manager
"Well, I'm not here to fuck spiders. When I'm I going to get my commission check?...Sales rep

Not here to fuck spiders by Khe Sanh July 29, 2020