Postmortem
Depression (PMD) is a form of clinical
depression which often affects
people, less frequently deer, after becoming what medical experts around the world refer to as "dead."
Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, reduced libido, crying episodes, excessive rotting, anxiety, colonic-maggot infestation, and irritability.
Physicians around the world report increasing rates PMD over the last few decades. In a recent medical double-blind study, results showed that 98% people will die at some point in their life. Out of those, 40% will be diagnosed with PMD, an increase over 27% in 2000,
14% in 1990, and -3% in 2 billion BC.
It is sometimes assumed that PMD is caused by a lack of nutrition (a result of one's digestive system being decomposed) but studies tend to show that more likely causes are the significant changes in a person's (or deer's) hormones during
death. On the other hand, hormonal treatment has not helped postmortem
depression victims; scientists are still baffled by these findings.
A debunker of the "Hormonal Imbalance Theory," Dr. Isaac Goldbergshtein, of the National Postmortem
Depression Research Institute for the Advancement of the Medical Understanding of the
Human Mind (more commonly referred to as NPDRIftAotMUotHM), says, "The findings are clear. Injecting a victim of PMD with hormonal injections only results in them being just as dead, if not deadER than they were before. It's just common sense."
Guy 1: "Dude, have you seen
Tyrone? For the last 2 weeks since he died after being accidentally shot by a cop 11 times in the face, he just SITS there on the couch, rotting. He doesn't eat, he doesn't
sleep, he doesn't go out partying, he hasn't even gone to work in 3 days! We should really talk to him..."
Guy 2: "Yeah, he's really suffering from a severe case of Postmortem
Depression."
