Weāve always conditioned men to maintain womenāthis isnāt something new. Whatās different is this āmaintenanceā has become completely electronic for some men, and the men doing the āmaintainingā arenāt seeing or even making an effort to see the women they are connecting with. Men are just texting, emailing or using social media to give the impression they are checking in or they careāin order to maintain these women.
For these men,
the definition of āmaintenanceā has shifted from traditional strategies like sending gifts and engaging in the occasional dinner, drinks or movie, to this incredibly convenient and empty form of
communication based on text messages, emails, and social media: e-maintaining. And it is a mode of
communication that isnāt even based in reality.
Coined by Yashar Ali
Since their last night together, Michael kept in touch with Karen on a regular basis. Every couple of weeks, Karen received a text or email from him. The messages always started out the same way, ā
Whatās up?ā
Karen would always fill him in on her life, and Michael would always respond with the same short answer, āThatās cool.ā
After
one or two text messages, Michael would usually disappear. But a couple of weeks later, he would show up again. Sometimes their conversations would go deeperāten minutes of
texting back and forth. Karen would find hope in those longer texting sessions, thinking that he was finally engaging with her.
A couple times he even texted, āWe should have dinner soon.ā
But every time Karen agreed to dinner, Michael would tell her about his really busy month at work, delaying the need to schedule a real date. Then, he would never follow up.
This faux-relationship wasnāt going anywhere and Karen was left feeling confused and frustrated about Michaelās intentions.
But these sporadic texts werenāt even about sex. Michael never even proposed any sort of rendezvous. And Karenās motivation was certainly not friendship. āI have enough friends,ā she said.
āHeās not even
trying to sleep with me,
whatās the point of all this?ā
I told her, āKaren youāre being e-maintainedā
