keelhaul 

Keelhauling was a form of punishment for sailors at sea. The sailor was tied to a rope looped beneath the vessel, thrown overboard, and then dragged under the keel and up the other side.

Keelhauling was generally a death sentence since it could take as long as three minutes, and perhaps longer, to walk the ropes all the way back to the stern. Often the ropes caught and dragged on barnacles on the ship's hull: the barnacles ripped the victim's clothing and skin to shreds as he was dragged along.

Dont fuck with me, I'll keelhaul youra ss

keelhaul by Sallos June 4, 2004

keelhaul 

The unsavory practice of surprising a sleeping partner by running the full length of a sweaty grundle across their nose/face.

After a five hour bike ride, Neil couldn't wait to get home, get out of his spandex, and keelhaul his girlfriend.

keelhaul by Spjork June 8, 2005

GrundleButter Keelhaul 

A hazing ritual or punishment in which an unlucky fellow is strapped to a pole or board, and with the help of many assistants is moved back and forth under an obese unwashed man's undercarriage, from the top of the crack to the back of the sack, in a wiping or scrubbing motion until dead or unconscious.

"Greg informed us that Revenge of the Sith is his least favorite Star Wars film, so I petition that his punishment will be a GrundleButter Keelhaul."

GrundleButter Keelhaul by PhatSphoincter October 1, 2025

GrundleButter Keelhaul 

A punishment in which an unlucky fellow is strapped to a pole or board and then held up by several men and swiped back and forth under an unwashed obese man's undercarriage, from the top of the crack to the back of the sack, marinating in the unholy 'butter' found therein.

"Jon said he doesn't like Star Wars, so he has been sentenced to a GrundleButter Keelhaul"

GrundleButter Keelhaul by PhatSphoincter October 3, 2025

keel-haul 

A medeival naval punishment that involves tying a line to each arm of the convicted sailor and pushing him off the bow of the ship under sail. The sailor was 'hauled' along the barnacle encrusted 'keel' of the vessel aided by the movement of the ship and pulled back aboard at the stern of the ship. It hurt really bad.

"The punishment for stealing rations is keelhauling!"

keel-haul by steelfish July 29, 2004

keel haul 

A punishment for sailors, in which the sailor is tied up and hauled under the ship along the entire length of the keel resulting in many scrapes, cuts and slivers.

A good keel Haulin' will straighten out that lazy cabin boy.

keel haul by Nuculus September 30, 2006

keelhauling 

When a question is posed to the internet at large, not to anyone in particular, and people chime in to say that they don't know the answer. Especially prevalent on technical forums and Amazon Questions, where any given "Does anyone know how to..." will feature many people inexplicably chiming in just to say no, they don't know.

Bonus points if the person is replying with hostility, suggesting that one should not want to know, or to say that they know for a fact it can't be done; triple word score if they say it can't be done, then someone else explains how to do it. Home run if they continue to insist it can't be done after that.

The etymology of this usage refers back to a StackExchange thread where a user asked if the maritime punishment of keelhauling was ever actually historically practiced. Many users replied to say "I don't know" in elaborate ways, often quoting Wikipedia back at the original user, as if he had no access to it himself. In the end, the user did some original research and determined that no, it probably wasn't real. All of the replies were keelhauling.

"Hey, can you get Warcraft 2 running on Windows 10?"
"I've never tried, but lol @ playing Warcraft 2 in 2019. It's real Starcraft hours baybeee!"
"yeah dude okay thanks been fully a week since I had a keelhauling like that but does anyone, like, know?"

keelhauling by xvicount February 8, 2022