Dies 

In parentheses, as a single paragraph at the end of a written doofer, translates roughly as "I've just said something shallow and maybe witty".

Me me me I'm really funny me. And mad, yeah.

Gagh!

(dies)

Dies by Foul Ole Ron October 28, 2003

Dies 

in the grave to forever rot and never be able to go to a strip club again

Alex: ur mom is dead

Brodie:no she dies

Dies by tojcic October 11, 2018

Dies 

when someone got killed

Tommy : *kill james*
James: oh no *dies*

Dies by Tiny Conerson January 1, 2021

*dies* 

Commonly used on forums, *dies* indicates the act of dying in a virtual environment. Note: Whoever said it isn't really dead.

mike_gamesradar.com: I'm a cunt
The Reverand: *dies*

*dies* by The Reverand May 26, 2004

*dies* 

To die, comically and unexpectedly.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Steve.
Steve who?

*dies*

*dies* by more heat than light January 1, 2004

:dies: 

1. said pre, mid, or end of sentence when something is undesirable
2. can be said anytime.

Oh, god :dies:
I had the worst day :dies:
this sucks :dies:

:dies: by sah January 30, 2003

*dies* 

To die in a comical manner.

Most appropriate in internet forums, *dies* is a perfect example of an evolution in human vocabulary. When somebody *dies* it can have meanings on several levels yet always funny unless true.

Karlprof "Does my middle finger smell of cheese?"

Mario *dies*

*dies* by SillySprout January 6, 2004