'ass-TIST-ik'. Noun. A statistic that is 'pulled out of one's ass', or made to sound valid but is actually made up.
'asstistical' and 'asstistically' are the adjective and adverbial forms respectively.
Bob: I read about some college did a study that found when monkeys were given marijuana they learned to solve puzzles faster than the ones that weren't.
Fred: What college was that - Asstistic University?
When you're at a restaurant and you order a main course meal only to find that the size of the dish is too big for you to finish, you ask a friend to assisticate you.
A conjunction of the word "assist" and "mastication".
They finish off the meal you paid thirty bucks for so you don't waste your money.
Rebecca: "This burger is the size of my head. Paige, will you assisticate me?"
Paige: "This is too much assistication to ask for."
Fogey/fogy /fougi/ sl. (early 18C+, orig. Scot) old-fashioned, stuck-in-the mud.
Person with old fashioned ideas which he is unwilling to change: Come to the disco and stop being such an old fogey!
You think me an old fogeyand an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O’Connel’s time. I remember the famine. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O’Connel did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. (James Joyce, Ulysses. PenguinBooks,1992. p. 38)