Shit a firm, long shaped turd on a cutting board, plastic wrap, etc. Put it in a freezer until it's solid, then use it as a dildo and fuck your chick with it. RE: call in on Bubba the Love Sponge show.
Missy's lesbian girlfriend lost their strap-on so they had no choice but to do the Alaska pipeline but Missy didn't like the mess when it thawed.
You shit into a condom and freeze it. Once frozen you go to town on yo girls asshole and mouth till it starts to get a bit soft. Then you take it out of the condom and shove it into her pussy until it's nice and warm. Then push on her cervix so it comes out on a ice cream cone, then make her eat it.