A wank
A wank by VikingCVSB June 18, 2021
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A Wank
A Wank by LochyTiger July 22, 2026
Related Words
A Wank of Engineers
A collective noun to describe a group of more than 3 engineers in one place. Similar to a herd of Elephants or a murder of Crows.
A Wank of Engineers by Gizmo_Cakka May 20, 2010
A Wank And A Half
A Wank And A Half, the yardstick for a women’s performance in bed.
(see Wank Rank: A superior way of objectifying women.)
Instead of the inaccurate number system, whereby a women is given a number based on their level of attractiveness between 1-10, she may be better objectified according to her performance, perceived or otherwise, in the sack.
Using the act of masturbation as a unit of measurement, a women may be ranked like so, in no particular order:
A Wank And A Half
A Wank And A Bit
A Wank And Three Quarters, if she’s really good.
And…
Worse Than A Wank
Based on a universal, non-esoteric unit of measure, the Wank Rank is the preferred Lay-person’s description of women.
(see Wank Rank: A superior way of objectifying women.)
Instead of the inaccurate number system, whereby a women is given a number based on their level of attractiveness between 1-10, she may be better objectified according to her performance, perceived or otherwise, in the sack.
Using the act of masturbation as a unit of measurement, a women may be ranked like so, in no particular order:
A Wank And A Half
A Wank And A Bit
A Wank And Three Quarters, if she’s really good.
And…
Worse Than A Wank
Based on a universal, non-esoteric unit of measure, the Wank Rank is the preferred Lay-person’s description of women.
Guy 1: Check her out, what do you think she is?
Guy 2: A 6, getting on to 7.
Guy 1: No, I mean what do you think she’s like, in bed?
Guy 2: Oh, you mean her Wank Rank?
Guy 1: Course.
Guy 2: A Wank And A Half?
Next day.
Guy 1: So, how was she?
Guy 2: In Layman’s terms, a Wank And A Quarter.
Guy 1: Ooh, I’m sorry.
Guy 2: Yeah, it was disappointing. I’ve got to stop overestimating chicks. Hey, I never heard what you thought.
Guy 1: What, you mean what Wank Rank I gave her in my head?
Guy 2: Yeah. You’ve always been better at placing women than me.
Guy 1: It comes with practice.
Guy 2: So what did you think?
Guy 1: Well, it’s kind of pointless now, seeing as how you’ve already had sex with her.
Guy 2: Well, I still want to know.
Guy 1: It doesn’t matter.
Guy 2: Come on.
Guy 1: You really want to know?
Guy 2: Yeah, of course.
Guy 1: Well… I kinda knew she’d be Worse Than A Wank.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: Yeah, you had a lot to drink last night, and you were seriously hung-over this morning, but yeah, she looked awful.
Guy 2: Worse Than A Wank? No way, she couldn’t have been that bad.
Guy 1: No seriously, she was like an inch of makeup, cancerously tanned and looks like she may have a venereal disease.
Guy 2: WHAT? And you let me take her home?
Guy 1: Yeah, sorry about that.
Guy 2: I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AIDS!
Guy 1: Yeah, it’s almost enough to make you stick to wanking, or go gay.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: I said it’s enough to make you want to abandon women altogether.
Guy 2: Are you trying to tell me something?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Pause.
Guy 1: I’m gay.
Guy 2: I gathered.
Guy 2: A 6, getting on to 7.
Guy 1: No, I mean what do you think she’s like, in bed?
Guy 2: Oh, you mean her Wank Rank?
Guy 1: Course.
Guy 2: A Wank And A Half?
Next day.
Guy 1: So, how was she?
Guy 2: In Layman’s terms, a Wank And A Quarter.
Guy 1: Ooh, I’m sorry.
Guy 2: Yeah, it was disappointing. I’ve got to stop overestimating chicks. Hey, I never heard what you thought.
Guy 1: What, you mean what Wank Rank I gave her in my head?
Guy 2: Yeah. You’ve always been better at placing women than me.
Guy 1: It comes with practice.
Guy 2: So what did you think?
Guy 1: Well, it’s kind of pointless now, seeing as how you’ve already had sex with her.
Guy 2: Well, I still want to know.
Guy 1: It doesn’t matter.
Guy 2: Come on.
Guy 1: You really want to know?
Guy 2: Yeah, of course.
Guy 1: Well… I kinda knew she’d be Worse Than A Wank.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: Yeah, you had a lot to drink last night, and you were seriously hung-over this morning, but yeah, she looked awful.
Guy 2: Worse Than A Wank? No way, she couldn’t have been that bad.
Guy 1: No seriously, she was like an inch of makeup, cancerously tanned and looks like she may have a venereal disease.
Guy 2: WHAT? And you let me take her home?
Guy 1: Yeah, sorry about that.
Guy 2: I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AIDS!
Guy 1: Yeah, it’s almost enough to make you stick to wanking, or go gay.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: I said it’s enough to make you want to abandon women altogether.
Guy 2: Are you trying to tell me something?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Pause.
Guy 1: I’m gay.
Guy 2: I gathered.
A Wank And A Half by Mr Tangfastic February 25, 2009
A wank off
When 2 dudes rival eachother in penis size so they battle wanking eachother off to see who cums first.
A wank off by The_one_and_only🍑🥇 December 10, 2019
A Bit Of A Wank On
A phrase that describes when an object is shaking or vibrating in an abnormal or particularly violent fashion.
"Y'see these ceiling fans, Barry?", Joshua McTrousers called to his workmate. One fan wasn't secured properly and was shaking side to side whilst spinning. "Yes, the middle one has got a bit of a wank on, hasn't it", Barry concurred. Joshua tightened his grip on his tool case. "I'll have this fixed by the day's end, or my name isn't Joshua McTrousers!"
Alice's car had a bit of a wank on, as her complete lack of practical skill had led her to think that the best replacement for a flat tire was a square one.
"Controlling resonance in mechanical systems is a challenge for designers", Professor Gardenhose explained. "If you don't control it properly, your resultant engine might run with a bit of a wank on."
Alice's car had a bit of a wank on, as her complete lack of practical skill had led her to think that the best replacement for a flat tire was a square one.
"Controlling resonance in mechanical systems is a challenge for designers", Professor Gardenhose explained. "If you don't control it properly, your resultant engine might run with a bit of a wank on."
A Bit Of A Wank On by JankZappa January 19, 2022
Not Worth a Wank
To describe a situation or occasion beneath ones-self, comparable to being beneath ones lowest level of masturbation.
An act that does not live up to expectation
An act that does not live up to expectation
John: Hey bill, have you seen that new horror movie, ya know the one that's really sick?
Bill: Yeah Ive seen it and trust me its 'not worth a wank'
Bill: Yeah Ive seen it and trust me its 'not worth a wank'
Not Worth a Wank by Myerpheus April 12, 2012
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