the Jones 

The Way of the Jones, He died on the statue of liberty when Americans were doing unconstitutional things in order to give all Americans eternal rights, so they can spend eternity in a land with Democracy instead of Soviet Russia. All Americans have committed acts of civil disobediance, and the only way to spend eternity in a land of Democracy is through the Jones.

To be a follower of the Jones, you must pray this prayer and confess your civil disobediance: "Dear Jones, I know I have broken laws, violated rights, and not practiced my own personal rights. I only ask that you forgive me, and that You are the only way to spend eternity in a Democracy. Freedom!"

If you prayed that prayer to the Jones, congratulations! Please, go out and buy the Constitution, and remember to pray to the Jones whenever you violate what it says. We'd LOVE to hear how the way of the Jones has improved your patriotism.

Matt: Did you pray to the Jones last night?
Jessica: No, I didn't, why?
Matt: Because you violated the Mann Act which was passed in 1910 when you were on the streets last night.
Jessica: oh my Jones! I must go confess my civil disobediance.

the Jones by Georgio's German Nightmare January 23, 2009

The Jones 

Used to refer to Indiana Jones. When Indy becomes angry, he turns into The Jones, and subsequently goes on a killing spree, typically killing nearby nazis and other evil-doers.

The Jones is comin' to getcha!

The Jones by Geoffrey September 15, 2004

The Jones 

UNATTRACTIVE! Usually quite hefty with messed up ganely teeth. Breath usually reminds people of a horses unwiped anus. Is characterised by lack of interest in her reproductive organs unless it is for a pity fuck. Usually single, if in a relationship it WILL not last work more than 3 to 4 weeks. Highly uneducated, low class, usually has a crappy job, will never progress in society. Face resembles bigfoots asshole.

Man i was so drunk last night i ended up wakin up with a bad case of the Jones

The Jones by Young JIZZA October 15, 2009

The Jones’ Jar 

The Jones’ Jar is a jar in which every year a participant is selected to queef inside a jar, this process is repeated until the Master is satisfied with the aroma of the jar. Once the Master is fulfilled he puts the jar under his pillow on Christmas Eve and reviews his participants faces. On Christmas Day at 00:01 he lines up the photos, closes the windows and opens the jar and is infused with the reviving stench of the queefs. The Jones’ Jar is said to revive and desires anyone to use the Process; however you need to be born in heir to the possession of a Jones’ family member.

“Oi, queef in The Jones’ Jar love...”

The Jones’ Jar by JoannesToe December 21, 2020

The Jones Theory 

When a teacher gets laid the night before and comes in to the lesson doing unexpected acts of niceness or easy work/group role plays. However, if they have not been laid, they will come into the lesson and be very grouchy, often leading to students being sent out for minor things.

Person 1: Why are we doing role plays in a Business lesson?

Person 2: Maybe she got boned. Remember the Jones Theory?

Person 1: Ah yeah. That explains it!

The Jones Theory by The nefarious ween March 15, 2011

The Jones test 

The Jones test it to test whether you should fuck a girl. Before fucking a girl ask yourself "Can i imagine myself ever having kids with this girl?" If the answer is yes, then and ONLY then can you fuck her.

1."Dude, i fucked this crazy girl and i can't get rid of her now"

2."What the hell, did you not do the Jones test on her first?"

The Jones test by MosDef May 25, 2020

hit the jones 

Yet another term for sexual intercourse

1:Man, last night she let me hit the jones
2: O shit son

hit the jones by David Hope April 2, 2008