Stiff as

A phrase to yell when things are going well.

When Jake was doing well at Tetris he yelled "Stiff as!"

by nachoworm February 19, 2010

Stiff as dicks

a.) V. stiff, tight, or hard. Painfully stiff.

b.) Inflexible.

"My muscles are stiff as dicks! I haven't been able to sleep in days."

"I asked for an extension on my assignment, but the lecturer wouldn't give it to me. The guy's stiff as dicks about that shit."

by Iamasparrow March 16, 2014

Stiff as a Ball

When you see someone hitting a golf ball and you feel bad for them because you assume they have prosthetic legs. Their ability to flex and move their lower extremities is so bad that you imagine they were hit by a train as a child or had polio because their parents were anti-vaxxers.

So I was watching this guy tee off the other day and I felt so sad thinking of what happened to them as a child. Then I watched them walk away and it was perfectly normal. He was stiff as a ball hitting a golf shot, but walked fine. Really bizarre, must be at least a 10 handicap without an actual handicap.

by Scotty Nice July 27, 2023

as stiff as an old man on a cold winter's night

a common phrase used when describing an extremely rigid erection.

"wow, my girlfriend gave me a joyner last night and i was as stiff as an old man on a cold winter's night"

by Nick Meyer. April 1, 2008

light as a feather, stiff as a board

Light as a feather and stiff as a board is a sexual game played by teens everywhere. This game usually involves multiple partners, although can be played with only two people. Usually the male will lay on the ground blindfolded without clothes while the other members of the party surround him. Now this member can be a female, but traditionally the role is played by male. The other members of the party now use paintbrushes and dip them in warm cups of water, and then paint the middleman with water. This goes on for approximately 2 minutes. During this time members of the party will also take markers and draw a “wigi” board on the middle man’s stomach and chest. Once the wigi board is complete one half of a crayon is placed on the middle man’s board. After 2 minutes the other members then start lightly touching the middleman with various objects and things such as their fingers, silverware, and other body parts. This continues as a tease until the middle man is as “stiff as a board”. Once stiff as a board members around the middle man begin to chant the words “volo postulo Adveho nobis” in unison. At this time all of the lights should be off. The game is played in many ways. Some participants sexually tease the middle man until he ejaculates and then read the encoded message from the wigi board. Others will finish the game by continuing to chant until spirits intervene. In both cases the middle man should ejaculate which signifies the end of the game.

Girl 1: What do you want to do tonight?
Girl 2: I don't know I'm so bored!
Guy 1: I know! Let's play light as a feather, stiff as a board!
Group: Yeah!

by light as a feather stiff board July 9, 2014

A.S.P (Always Stiff Penis)

An always-stiff-penis. A penis of such small stature, it fails to have the length to hang down, hence, being always stiff.

Also known as, an Always Stiff "Peeper," rather than penis.

Example: I was changing in the locker room today with the guys, then I looked of at Tommy, an he was sporting a tiny dick, possibly an A.S.P (Always Stiff Penis).

Example: Dude, after I banged her, I took a cold shower, and came out. She threw off the towel because she wanted to give me head. She looked up and said, where'd it go? I must have an A.S.P (Always Stiff Penis).

by Leverett Thomas Holder November 8, 2009

a.s.p (always stiff penis)

1. a penis so small that it doesn't have the length required to generate hangage, giving the appearance that it is in a state of constant erectness.

2. Unit of measure based on the penis size of Wilco Jancala. One A.S.P is equal to one billionth of an inch.

1) I have to wear special pants so that no one realizes that I'm sporting an a.s.p (always stiff penis).

2) No dude, my dick is at LEAST two asp lengths.

by Wilco Jancala November 9, 2009