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Recollections may vary 

Your a lying one-upmanship victim whinger.
Meghan: I have been subject to racial and other abuse.

Queen Elizabeth II: Recollections may vary.

I have no recollection 

Typically invoked by governmental officials during sworn testimony to the U.S. Congress to deny potentially damaging -- politically and/or criminally -- behavior.
From the 1994 film "Clear and Present Danger" starring Harrison Ford:

Jack Ryan: Who authorized this?
Robert Ritter: I'm sure they'll ask you that.
Jack Ryan: Who authorized it?
Robert Ritter: I have no recollection, Senator
MMMMM it tastes really ricollo !
this thing is ricollo
ricollo by Nikoletos April 20, 2008

Recollerection 

The boner resulting from thinking about past sexual experiences.
Victor: so, how did it go with Jenny last night?
Jamie: man, I don't even know how to start. But just thinking about it is giving me a recollerection.

Rickollection 

When a guy named Rick(y) remembers a story of his youth.
Rick: Gather round children and I shall tell you of my most recent Rickollection.
Rickollection by Peter Pottamus October 9, 2010

convenient recollection 

A memory recalled inacuratley, to unconsciously protect against guilt, anxiety, or unwanted associations.
Are you kidding? She must be having convenient recollection!