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Please help me 

I told someone to fuck off and now I think they are trying to kill me because I always see some shady fellow or a car near my house
Please help me by High g8 guy March 18, 2019

Please help I've had a strokety pokety 

Oh my god help him and stop looking at this word idiot!
Please help I've had a strokety pokety Tom.

Please Help Me 

Typically used in text when one individual is trying to receive nudes from another person. Users of the phrase are typically associated with fuck boys, bums, and generally insurable people. Although usage of the term, "please help me" is also often used by the more productive people of society ironically.
Joey sent Abby a picture of himself with the caption, "Please Help Me". With the goal of receiving adult images from Abby.
Please Help Me by Mr_Eisme March 20, 2024

I am in great pain. please help me. 

What google says when you type wubba lubba dub dub and that it says "did you mean i am in great pain. please help me.
What google says when you type wubba lubba dub dub and that it says "did you mean i am in great pain. please help me.

I am being held hostage please help 

PLs fucking help vin diesel has been holding me captive for many years. He occasionally feeds me ice cubes and whispers in my ear "Think about erin shoving it in her mouldy minge". I want to kill myself but vin diesel has made it impossible. On my birthday he feeds me his seed in hopes I would produce an offspring for him which he will name Ralph.
I am being held hostage please help, please fucking help i am being held hostage in the krusty krab

i am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me

I am in constant agony. My life is a mess. As a kid I had a natural aptitude for math and science, but I let it get to my head, ultimately ruining my possibility to go to college.

I wasted my life playing video games and watching the television; the natural talents I once had have apathied and worn away, leaving the one thing I was good at behind.

My life has been nothing but a fastly accelerating downward spiral and I have failed to provide anything of with to anyone.
Isaiah: Hey, Ed! Haven't seen you in a few years, how are you don't?

Me: I am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me.

Isaiah: ...
Me: ...
Isaiah: yeah, same.