Mouthsturbation 

The act of your mouth watering (or in this case, jerking off) to the sight of delicious food

Guy 1: Dude, that Bacon could cause MOUTHSTURBATION in less than a millisecond

Guy 2: Yeah, I can't wait to eat it!

Mouthsturbation by PrfsrNrwhl657 July 21, 2013

mathsturbation

1. In an attempt to prove a point, gathering and assembling data in such a way that one only convinces oneself of its validity
2. Trying to justify an incorrect opinion, statement, or assumption, by manipulating available data in a way that is only satisfying to the person with the incorrect opinion, statement, or assumption.

He rattled off a bunch of obscure statistics to defend his vote on the stimulus package, but it was all mathsturbation.

mathsturbation by RVLambo February 1, 2009

Methsturbation 

Verb; METH-stir-BAY-shun

A marathon masturbation session, often lasting several hours at a time, while under the influence of large amounts of illegal controlled substances, specifically crystal methamphetamine.

A drug-specific variation of drugsturbation. Other examples include: E.g., cialisturbation, MDMAsturbation, etc.

In all cases, obsessive masturbation is the primary activity while the drug use facilitates the abnormal duration of the event. Therefore it is not to be confused with similarly named activities (e.g.,talksturbation, guitarsturbation, complainsturbation, whistlesturbation, etc.) wherein the verb or noun indicated by the prefix is the primary activity and is done at great length for the subject's sole amusement, often at the expense or annoyance of others.

Also: methsturbate, methsturbating, methsturbated, methsturbates, etc.

Sorry, I can't go in to work today, I methsturbated for 7 hours last night and I think I pulled something.

I was going to write that report but I ended up methsturbating all night instead. I think I should take a nap. (Methsturbates more)

Man, I'm so sore from all that

Methsturbation.

Mom, I told you to knock when I'm methsturbating.

I'll be right there lemme just finish up this Methsturbation real quick. (9 hours later sends texts, "Hey.")

Methsturbation by Richard P. Handler December 8, 2015

mournsturbation 

Mournsturbation is an exploitative process engaged in by the media once they have created sufficient "grief porn" derived from some unfortunate accident or natural disaster.

Having exploited the initial event, the media then engage in a repetive masturbatory frenzy exploiting every grief angle to the limit. It is is designed to extend the life of grievous event for the purpose of selling more media.

Examples of mournsturbation include the death of Princess Diana, repetitive display of aircraft flying into the twin towers in New York and the publication of the photographs of children and babies who perished in the recent massive Victorian wildfires. It is faux sentimentality and grief for the purpose of selling more advertisisng

mournsturbation by wangcar February 13, 2009

mouthturbation 

Euphemism for auto-fellatio

I'm so bendy, I can even bend over and engage in mouthturbation

mouthturbation by EvilMar July 20, 2011

Mournsturbation 

Cheering yourself up after a relative has died by means of masturbation.

"Hey, can I see Glenn?"
"I wouldn't go in there man, his aunt just died. The only way he could cheer up was mournsturbation."

Mournsturbation by Cochese March 30, 2016