The prophesied king of cool,
master of excellence; an individual possessing near-superhuman levels of righteousness, to the point where it becomes
impossible to describe
said righteousness with language or define it with modern scientific methods.
After I watched him jump off the Empire State Building on his flaming motorcycle, strangling a mountain lion with one hand while pleasuring an Amazon sex
goddess with the other, I knew that
Ted was no mere human being, but
Gnarly McGnarlington incarnate.