The prophesied king of
cool, master of excellence; an individual possessing near-superhuman levels of righteousness, to the
point where it becomes impossible to describe
said righteousness with language or define it with modern scientific methods.
After I watched him jump off the Empire State Building on his
flaming motorcycle, strangling a mountain lion with one hand while pleasuring an
Amazon sex goddess with the other, I knew that Ted was no mere human being, but
Gnarly McGnarlington incarnate.