computurd 

That one type of crappy computer that is found in every school, business, and old folks' home. It's covered in dust and grime, the CD drive doesn't work, and its running Windows 95 and AOL 4.0. When people say "fix my computer", they're talking about their computurd. Its not even worth looking at.

That college's computer lab stinks. All they've got is computurds that can't even run Solitaire!

computurd by Rossmo December 7, 2004

Computer Whiz 

A computer whiz is a person who is an expert with technology, and can often blow some people's minds with their capabilities.

John is such a computer whiz that he even outsmarted me with this windows thing!

Computer Whiz by Bigdirtyjoe May 24, 2019

School Computer 

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself

Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.

School Computer by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018

old computer 

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on

Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer

old computer by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018

computer dick 

Similar to whiskey dick. It's when you are on a date with a girl and can't get it up because you spanked it all day while on the internet.

Friend: "How was your date with Suzy?" You: "Ah man, I had computer dick and couldn't get it up." Friend: "Are you fucking cereal? She's hot!"

computer dick by Rockabee September 10, 2014

computard 

One who lacks proficiency and competence within the field of computers to the extent at which he or she is an annoyance to others. A computard is prone to asking inane questions requiring one to break an explanation down to mere two word steps consiting of one verb and one noun (i.e. move mouse, click icon, etc).

Dude, this one computard once asked me how to extract a zip file and I was like "Dude download WinRAR" and he was like "how do I download" and I was like "WTF dude".

computard by Vishal Agarwala July 6, 2004

computer tourettes 

This symptom occurs when a computer is too slow or crashes unexpectedly. The user of the computer becomes extremely agitated and starts madly clicking on the mouse and swearing uncontrollably.

When MS word froze, the author realized he did not save in the past 2 hours. Fearing that he would lose his work, he started to click wildly on the keyboard. When the title bar indicated (Not Responding), he suddenly developed a case of computer tourettes. Click, click %$#!@@?*&! Click, @$$!*&&$#@!

computer tourettes by La Femme Dorothy July 28, 2008