Alzheimerese

(noun)
The accidental language that happens when your brain hits a speed bump and your mouth keeps driving. A mystical dialect made of half-remembered idioms, mashed-up metaphors, and pure, unfiltered verbal nonsense.

Not age-restricted — anyone can suddenly speak Alzheimerese when tired, stressed, distracted, or trying to sound wiser than they actually are. Often delivered with the confidence of someone who has absolutely no idea what they just said.

Hallmarks of Alzheimerese include:
- Starting a normal phrase and abruptly veering into word salad
- Mixing two sayings into a mutant proverb no culture has ever used
- Sounding philosophical while meaning absolutely nothing
- Leaving witnesses thinking, “Mate… are you stroking out or just improvising?”

Example
Friend: “Well, you know what they say… strike the early worm before the glass house hatches.”
Me: “Fluent Alzheimerese. Beautiful. Utterly useless, but beautiful.”

Alzheimerese by ncacace November 27, 2025

Parking lot alzheimers 

When you can't find your car in a parking lot because you've forgot where it is. Most of the time you wander around aimlessly until you find it like an older person who has alzheimers diesease.

What's that guy doing just walking around the parking lot like that? He looks like he's got parking lot alzheimers.

Parking lot alzheimers by Bull237 September 20, 2010

Password Alzheimers 

condition when one suddenly forgets a frequently used online password

Tried to sign onto facebook using my dog's name, my birthday, and my favorite song, but looks like no status updates today. I got Password Alzheimers.

Password Alzheimers by evil adam December 26, 2010

Canadian Alzheimers 

When an old Canadian man jerks you off and won’t stop because he keeps on thinking he just started.

My friend encountered a Canadian Alzheimers

and died 15 years later because the old man did not stop

Canadian Alzheimers by Yahoones February 3, 2023

Tea Alzheimers

A condition where the affected person finds themselves constantly forgetting about their tea. this can refer to

1. Forgetting boiling water in kettle
2. Forgetting steeping tea water
3. Forgetting mug of tea until it is cold

I hate having Tea Alzheimers, whenever I make a cuppa, I forget it until it's ice cold!

Tea Alzheimers by Bath alts Yoda May 11, 2016

golfers alzheimers 

A condition in which a golfer, when recalling how many strokes they had on the hole, can omit ceratain strokes from memory.
A person with this condition will forget that first drive that they sliced into the woods or the third shod that hit the bunker wall and rolled back to where it was previously. Unfortunately, the condition is tough to kick. It is also difficult to remind a person who is affected about a shot. Having the condition is often funny when reminded of a shot.

Golfer: hey phil, what did you have on that hole?

Golfer w/ GA: Uhh.. (looks forward, points once, twice, three times, and a fourth) I had a four.

Golfer: Oh. Good hole. Wait a sec, your first shot was OB. You had a six.

Golfer w/ GA: Umm... wasn't that last hole?

Golfer: No, that was this hole, you definately have golfers alzheimers. Haha

golfers alzheimers by nastynnas September 10, 2009

Alzheimers Moment 

An Alzheimers Moment is when you forget what you are about to say in the middle of a conversation with someone.

An Alzheimers Moment most commonly happens when you are waiting for someone to finish talking, so you can say what you want to say. But by the time they have finished talking, you forget what you were going to say.

Once my dad finished talking about the football game, I tried to remember what I was about to say. But I had an Alzheimers Moment and struggled to remember what I was going to say. "I forgot what I was going to say." I said to my dad.

Alzheimers Moment by RavenGamer42 June 21, 2017