School Computer 

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself

Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.

School Computer by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018

old computer 

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on

Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer

old computer by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018

hand computer 

That thing that you look at all day that is small and does a billion more things than a "phone" but you and all your friends call it a "phone" when clearly it's really a hand computer.

Hey how do we get to that happenin party?
I dunno man, lemme whip out my hand computer.
Your what?
Hand computer.

hand computer by Hottdiggidydog August 28, 2019

Speaking Computer

The language of a person when they lag so hard while on FaceTime or zoom that only computer noises are heard when they speak.

I can't hear a thing you just fucking said, you're speaking computer

Speaking Computer by theurbanpoet69 April 25, 2020

hello your computer has virus 

this is something what specifically an indian expert tech support caller would say and recommend downloading some file from an edgy website to help your computer run safely.

joe: Hello! my computer is not functioning properly, can you please detect the problem?
Tech Support Caller: Hello your computer has virus!!

hello your computer has virus by abondedspaghetti April 17, 2023

Sleeper Computer 

An incredibly fast computer disguised as a Windows 98 peice of crap. It will most likely look the same on the outside but be brand new on the inside. It has the latest processor,RAM and videocards built into a crappy shell.

1.I saw a sleeper computer but I didnt know it was any different from the old crappy school computer next to it.
2.After he started the computer, Mr.X was shocked to see it running a modern OS and start incredibly fast.
3.Wow look at that peice of crap.Wait,Holy Cow it's running Crysis at 60 fps!!!!

Sleeper Computer by Freshstyles50 August 22, 2009

rectal computer

A computer that is medically shoved into your anal cavity. Often obtains viruses, and sometimes itches.

Woah, Tom got a new rectal computer!

rectal computer by Water Washington April 14, 2014