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(тормоз по русски, if anyone reads Russian here):

a person who is neither retarded nor mentally challenged nor eccentric, but in their normal state (i.e without being UTI) is still slow on the uptake.
boy: Melissa, when is your birthday again?

girl: my name is not Melissa, it's Melanie, and are you lol an uptard? I know you are normal because you get amazing grades in chemistry and physics. my birthday, for the last time, is March 15, but you always give me flowers on March 9.

boy: I am not an uptard. Due to family tradition, i can't possibly give a girl flowers on The Ides of March, even if it's her birthday.

Melanie: are you telling me your limo is triple parked?

boy: no.
uptard by Uncle Dimma February 16, 2013
Related Words
Being uptarded. Haha. This means that one is a little more retarded than just a normal retard and thus achieving the status of "uptard."
People add words to the urbandictionary without defining them are uptards.
uptard by Douchebag March 26, 2004
1. To act in a manner of one level higher than a retard. 2. To give less than adequate effort causing a poor result.
Cody proved he was an uptard by tripping over himself catching a baseball.
Uptard by ljlongboarder August 18, 2003
(тормоз по русски)

a person who is neither retarded nor mentally challenged nor eccentric, but in their normal state (i.e without being UTI) is still slow on the uptake.
boy: Melissa, when is your birthday again?

girl: my name is not Melissa, it's Melanie, and are you lol an uptard? I know you are normal because you get amazing grades in chemistry and physics. my birthday, for the last time, is March 15, but you always give me flowers on March 9.

boy: I am not an uptard. both of the things you mentioned are correct; however, I have two cousins, identical twins, one named Melissa, the other Melanie, and you look like an older version of them. Numero Dos due to family tradition, i can't possibly give a girl flowers on The Ides of March, even if it's her birthday.

Melanie: are you telling me your limo is triple parked?

boy: no.
uptard by Uncle Dimma December 31, 2012

fail upwards 

To repeatedly get fired but consistently find a new job that are better than the one you just lost.
"She's never had a job for more than two years without geting canned and now she's a VP. I've never seen anyone fail upwards better than she does."
fail upwards by Eggsocket July 9, 2009
when you hold back an impending crap long and hard enough that it actually creeps back upwards, buying you a little more time before either making it to a bathroom or shitting your pants
Carl suddenly had to take a shit on a floatplane but there was no bathroom, so he clenched up tight and forced an upturd.
upturd by walterc March 26, 2013
More from Urban Dictionary

briefcake 

"Did you check out the briefcake in courtroom C?"
briefcake by Ben Frey April 6, 2006
Word of the Day on November 3, 2026
Brought to public attention by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in the book on the fall of Richard Nixon, All The President’s Men, ratfucker was Nixon’s term for a political operative who sows chaos among opponents; an agent provocateur. It is thought to have originated among campus political rivalries at USC, and seems to have some usage in the US military.
Along with Nixon’s other ratfuckers, Roger Stone caused fights at otherwise peaceful Democratic Party protests to generate a false narrative that the Democrats were violent and dangerous.
Ratfucker by Ricky Ramjet November 2, 2017
Word of the Day on November 2, 2026
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