Torticulate- To grasp or grope firmly in ones hands in an odd manor and to rub and/or jab aggressively with the fingertips to excite for no obvious reason.
As i strolled along the dark long path i cam upon a long spongy mushroom in which i began to torticulate for my own dark pleasures
Like a turnicate to block blood from an area the turdicate is when you tighten your belt as far as you can to stop a turd coming out. It is usually used when you need to take a dump but something of importance is happening. It can also be used mid-dump so you get up and do it so it doesn't bother you. It can be risky though, sometimes it squeezes the crap out.
Guy 1: 'Dude where were you, you were nearly late'
Guy 2: 'I know i was taking a shit when i realised what time it was. I hat to turdicate it off'
Noun
A person who calculates the weight of their turd with a simple equation. Before-After=Turd or B-A=T. They accomplish this by weighing themselves before they sit and after they shit. Which gives them the approximate weight of said Turd.
"Remember in 'Next Friday' when that guy said, 'I feel five pounds lighter'?"
"Yeah, that movie was funny."
"He must have been an expert turdulater, because I just turdulated and mine was only 2.5 pounds."
"Dude, I told you not to talk about your turds during Jeopardy."
"What's the number for the plumber again?"