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slow as fuck 

when some fucking thing or some mother fucker can't move, learn or operate to the desired speed
this computer is slow as fuck it won't load the next screeen fast enough. We taught that to John 4 times now, he is slow as fuck.
slow as fuck by GDAngel September 16, 2013

Slow Fucking 

Slow fucking: the process in which a situation or a person slowly breaks you down till you can’t take it any more.
Dang I forgot my work computer at home this Monday is really slow fucking me.

This pepperoni pizza is slow fucking me real good.
Slow Fucking by Pigglyjigglygal October 7, 2019

pokey slowfuck

Specifically, an individual whose car moves approximately one tenth of the speed it should be moving at.

These people may be found pulling out in front of you for no goddamn reason and slamming on their brakes. Such an event may prompt outbursts of wtf or "you flaming cuntwaffle."

When applied in general usage, the term can refer to any jerk or asshole.
"(whistling to self while driving)...JESUS! What the FUCK! Goddamn.... goddamn pokey SLOWFUCK!"

"Yeah, that guy's such a ... he's such a pokey slowfuck."
"Pokey slowfuck?"
"...yeah. What?"

slowfuckia 

noun.

AKA slowfuckistan
the fictional land of slow fucks.
everybody fucks slow in slowfuckia.
slowfuckia by L0union June 26, 2021