The fear of dying naked and your friends finding out that you have a small penis
As he sat on the toilet with his pants around his ankles, staring blankly at the cheap, old hot water system, keyserism played heavily on his mind.
by Absolute Classics February 6, 2017
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Keyser is a shithole town in West Virginia that has absolutely nothing to do. Keyser is mostly populated by extremely arrogant senior citizens that complain, overuse the bathrooms, and drive entirely too slow on the roads.
Guy 1: Dude, have you been to Keyser lately?

Guy 2: Nah man, that place sucks...nothin to do but old
ladies. I don't play that game, man.
by Keyser Native June 22, 2008
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Keyser ("The K-hole") is a small, shithole town in West Virginia. There's absolutely nothing to do in Keyser except drugs. The population consists of mainly poor family's, drug addicts, drug dealers, rats/snitches, cops, bible thumpers and old people. The youth of the town hate living there and are very antsy to move far, far away from there.

There's no jobs except fast food restaurants and lumber-n-things. The best things in the town is their high school band and the very nice bridge leading out of Keyser into Maryland. Keyser is the birthplace of Jack Rollins who wrote the famous song "Frosty the Snowman" and the famous baseball player John Kruk once resided in Keyser.
Keyser is also known as "The K-hole".
Dude 1: "Did you see all of the people that got indicted for delivery of cds from Keyser?"
Dude 2: "Yeah man, Keyser is full of snitches anymore."
by Nicenugg420 January 12, 2018
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A man that uses keys for anal penetration.
Dave walks into steve's room and see's steve naked with legs in the air pointing to the sky and a big hairy ass staring at him.
Dave: Fuck man stop with the keyser crap, ur making me ill.
Steve: Shut the fuck up bitch, dont knock it till u tried it, help me unlock my ass.
by The Dirty Pajerty July 3, 2011
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The devil himself.
Keaton once said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him."

Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Söze
by Grace April 19, 2004
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STOP!
Unless you want the ending of a GREAT movie spoiled for you, DO NOT read any of the definitions below. The Usual Suspects is probably one of the best mysteries ever. If I were to make a list of the best crme films of the 90's it would rank number 2 (just under Pulp Fiction). The character Keyser Soze is a rarely seen, nearly mythical crime kingpin who is involved in drugs, murder, and possibly international terrorism (as hinted in one scene). Most believe he is not real, but rather boogeyman story or name-drop to intimidate people. In the end of the movie, the shocking identity of Keyser Soze is finally revealed. Go watch The Usual Suspects and see it for yourself. Do not let this great ending get ruined for you!
The background story of Keyser Soze as told by the character Verbal Kint:

"He's supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody ever believed he was real. Nobody ever knew him or saw anybody that ever worked directly for him. But to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew; that was his power. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
One story the guys told me, the story I believe, was from his days in Turkey. There was a gang of Hungarians that wanted their own mob. They realized that to be in power, you didn't need guns or money or even numbers. You just needed the will to do what the other guy wouldn't. After a while, they come into power and then they come after Soze. He was small-time then, just running dope, they say. (We see all of this in flashback) They come to his home in the afternoon, looking for his business. They find his wife and kids in the house and decide to wait for Soze. He comes home to find his wife raped and children screaming. The Hungarians knew Soze was tough, not to be trifled with, so they let him know they meant business.
(Flashback: Hungarian cuts one of the children's throats)
They tell him they want his territory, all his business. Soze looks over the faces of his family. Then he showed these men of will what will really was.
(Soze shoots two Hungarians, then shoots his children and his wife as the last Hungarian watches in surprised horror)
He tells him he would rather see his family dead than live another day after this. He lets the last Hungarian go, waits until his wife and kids are in the ground, and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids. He kills their wives. He kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in, the stores they work in. He kills people that owe them money. And like that, he's gone. Underground. Nobody's ever seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night. 'Rat on your pop and Keyser Soze will get you.' But no one ever really believes."
by Cthulhu February 7, 2005
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Put simply, to keyser soze someone is to create an entire fake reality for them to perceive. Once that fake reality is in place you then go about your agenda in reality while your victim makes moves and assumptions based on the fake reality you made for them. By the time they realize the truth it's already too late cause you're long gone.
I met this woman at the club and I thought everything was cool, but she pulled a keyser soze on me.
by But am I wrong though? August 30, 2017
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