twiddle the bean or jack in an unusual manner, with thoughts of doing something particularly dirty that is not always associated with sex. Masturbation that is a mixture of very perverted and very funny. Often punctuated by Ha! This word has become popular on porn boards, and is derived from Hester, wearer of the scarlet letter.

"I imagined you shoving that evian bottle in your cooch, and I had to go hesturbate"

hesturbate by Olivia Yearns November 10, 2008

Get merch

hasturbate

to masturbate while under the hallucinogenic effect of opioids

Dude 1: that new VR porn is so realistic! It took me to all kinds of places besides the bedroom.
I remember surfing the pacific, wrestling some hobos, going down on Danny Devito and punching a puma!
Dude 2: umm I was using the VR headset last night....
Dude 1: Oh...I may have just done a whole heap of heroin instead
Dude 2: .....
Danny Devito: next time you hasturbate fella leave me out of it!
Dude 2: bet he didn't complain last night! (high fives dude 1)

hasturbate by GozUnlimited July 27, 2016

Get merch

Hamsturbate

When you use a hamster for dirty deeds. Usually will end with the hamster dying.

Bob: I got a new hamster!
Sam: Then let me hamsturbate with it.
Bob: But you'll kill it!
Sam: It's okay...*snatches hamster*

*a couple minutes later*

Bob: MY GOD!!

Hamsturbate by Paulton January 6, 2008

Get merch

humpturbate

The act of humping your bed in a form of quick masturbation.

I humpturbated last night.

humpturbate by Generic Brony January 1, 2014

Get merch

Shuffle