factsturbate 

v: To willfully distort, ignore, or fabricate factual material in order to serve one's selfish ends, e.g. deceiving others

Trump's tendency to factsturbate constantly when speaking to the public makes those with a firm grip on reality swell with anger.

factsturbate by geblergenschmoof October 20, 2016

fasturbate 

1) the act of masturbating when in a hurry

2) masturbation under time-restrictions

my parents were coming home soon so I had to fasturbate

fasturbate by Chris "KMoney" Mason December 2, 2005

fatsturbate 

When a man is sufficiently obese that his penis can be engulfed in body fat, allowing him to stimulate himself by simple, repeated shifting of body position. This auto-erotic action is fatsturbating.

My obese college roommate would always fatsturbate on the couch next to me, yelling "Check it out! No hands!"

fatsturbate by Stefan Bastardo February 6, 2010

fapsturbate 

To masturbate furiously, or fap.

I'm serious, did you fapsturbate to my porn?

fapsturbate by Dumpsterbaby December 16, 2007

Facesturbate 

Masturbating to someone on Facebook.

Her profile picture was too small
For me to facesturbate so I had to add her.

Facesturbate by Booyah123 June 25, 2010

Fapsturbate 

An odd amalgam of the geek term "fap" and "masturbate". This term can be used to describe an intense masturbation session, or just to impress the friends and family. It has also been used by several famous individuals such as President Obama, President Lincoln, and Bob Marley.

Mom: "Honey, I need you to go take out the trash"
You: "MOM I'M TRYING TO FAPSTURBATE, GO SUCK A CHONE!

Fapsturbate by Darkcerberus5690 November 4, 2009

fantasturbate 

when one masturbates so impeccably well that he has a fantastic and accomplished feeling afterwards; when he can look back on that day as a day that was worth living. If one has these feelings, he deserves an award, for he has just fantasturbated.

After a long and depressing day at work, the man came home and felt the need to fantasturbate. After he did, he went to sleep quite satisfied.

fantasturbate by mrgatorademan April 18, 2010