boaroscope

A tubular "look-see" device dat either (1) inspects a male pig for virility, or (2) checks for a lack of refinement in da test-subject.

If there are plenty of energetic little squealing porkers running around da sty, then I know dat da sow is being adequately inseminated, and I can usually tell right off if someone is a crude or overbearing jerk --- I don't need no fancy-pants boaroscope to help me determine either condition!