Wamps

Any unfortunate person with the affliction of Palmar Hyperhidrosis. This condition is often referred to as Dead Fish Handshake or "Servin' Up Week-old Lunchmeat".

A living legend of Norristown, PA, “Wamps” is a deliberately strange and very outspoken individual who began collecting nicknames as an adolescent. “Fish-Grease” makes himself a target for nicknames because of his poor style of dress, sinister laugh, foul body odor, twisted philosophy, and overall lack of righteousness. Despite his lower back tattoo, “Rat-Scrap” has managed to maintain several groups of friends, most of them being from high school and the rest from hanging out at local bars. For example, when “Patty-Cake” is posted up at Nippers he is known as “Creeper”. If he were to leave Nippers and walk up the street to Chapps, he would be greeted as “Waffles”. “Splish” pretends that the nickname-calling doesn’t bother him, but his evil sneer will show you that he’s irritated. When “Hagfish” gives daps to the people that know him, a firm handshake is out of the question because “Slimer” has palms that are constantly gooey. It is usual for most people to offer “Slick” a fist-pound, of which he will likely refuse because “Squirtchy” knows that pounds are blatantly disrespectful. His closest friends don’t risk touching his fishy hand and if anything, they will attempt to give “Snailer” a simple head-nod. Legend has it that his brain stem was replaced by a salamander membrane (similar to a gland) which keeps his hands sticky. “Gerbil” can also be spotted driving his Ron-Lobster which is a red Mazda that’s been converted to an amphibious underwater exploration vessel.

by john_raw March 9, 2011

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